By Now, Men Know Some Things You Think We Don't

things guys don't know

Lists of "what guys don't know" are very popular but losing their usefulness.

Men's mags, women's mags, lad mags, chick mags and even trannie comic books all work under one primary assumption: when it comes to lasies, dudes don't know shinola. Read: 9 Things I Learned About Women From Editing Maxim

While it is true that we keep ourselves intentionally ignorant about certain subjects (for instance, I've never met a man who's even heard of a lady defecating plus our familiarity with, say, a bed skirt is strictly from context clues), we know a little more than we let on.

We accidentally learn about things like "crowning," "nipple band-aids," the answer to the question "Do I look fat?" and the unlikely-seeming existence of "female masturbation" through popular films, television programs and conveniently open issues of Cosmopolitan at the dentist office. Read: 7 Lessons I Learned From Chick Flicks

But lists entitled "Things [One Gender] doesn't know about [Other Gender]" are always loads of fun. And, poking along the interweb, I bumped into a few good lists over the last few days.

First of all, I totally dig this new blog* called Sex, Lies & Dating (In The City) ( It turns out that the blog’s author, Simone Grant, attended one of the dating boot camps that I took part in. Due to being "totally blown away"** by the boot camp (and the man panel, undoubtedly), she put together a list together of things that dudes ought to know about chicks. It turns out that dudes do know that women forgive but don’t forget. Also, most of us know that compliments lose some potency by being over-used.

But for every thoughtful list like Simone's, we get a dozen meandering ones that can best be described as "meh." Men's Health, between articles on how to be better in the sack and how to shock my abs, put together a list of 30 that probably would have best left to a dozen or less (I know, page views!). And I'd like to point out that all guys know that we'll probably ever know your number. Only a few of us really care. Also, we were all pretty sure that some amount of our interactions have been tests, tricks and fights borne out of boredom. 

The grand poobah of "things men should know about women" lists is Esquire. No one currently alive can remember when Esquire*** started asking women to contribute these lists (ideally, for the betterment of men everywhere), but it's thought that the lists began some time in the mid 19th Century (give or take a hundred years or so). Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor from The Office) contributed a really nice one recently.

Now that literally thousands of list exist detailing what each sex should know about each other, shouldn't we all be on the same page? Read: 13 Relationships Mistakes We Men Could Stop Making

*Note: It's new to me, OK?

**Note: I may be paraphrasing.

***Note: I'd like to point out that Courtney Cox once told Esquire that getting a boner while sleeping next to a woman is not a good excuse to wake her. On behalf of all men on Earth, we respectfully disagree.