Comment of the Day 06/11

Comment of the Day 06/11
Love, Sex

Open marriage is a hot topic on this site. We often get people from both sides of the experience and with strongly held opinions, sharing their often rather vehement feelings on the subject. While we don't censor people's opinons, I think the best way to get people to understand where you are coming from is telling your own personal story. In response to "4 Types of Infidelity and How Affairs Help Marriage", stargazngal writes:

After nearly 25 years of complete monogamy with my husband, I expressed desire to him to be with another man. This was something we discussed for months, and he understood my reasons (which were basically just to experience another man, as I had only 1 partner before hubby). He is very open minded, and we decided to "open" our marriage. I've had a boyfriend now for a little over a year.

In no way has this relationship adversely affected my relationship with my husband. In fact, it has brought us closer because we have been able to express desires that we never discussed before. I was not lacking sex or emotion in my marriage...we have a wonderful relationship, and we consider each other soulmates. I don;t see my boyfreind more than every few weeks, but he is an important part of my life at this point, and a dear friend, most importantly.

I know this falls under the category of polyamory, which is how I define myself at this point, however, I do belieeve their are similarities. I admit I was lacking "something" although I don't believe what i lacked was due to my relationship with hubby, but rather a self esteem issue. In retrospect, I believe didn't find myself attractive to other people, and this has been a huge self esteem boost for me, as odd as that sounds. I feel many people who have affairs do so for self esteem issues, and agree the person having the affair is lacking something in their life, although the point I'm trying to make is that an affair isn;t always about lacking something in your current relationship, it can be based on self esteem.

I know my lifestyle is not for everyone, but without realizing it initially, I now feel like an authentic person. I agree with the author, that the desire to have an affair does indicate "something" needs to be addressed, I just don;t feel it's so black and white as to the reasons.

Whether you agree with her or not, stargazngal definitely puts the smart, in smart talk about love and has helped us all better understand, her side of the story. Thanks for sharing!


Expert advice

If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
Are you still single and you don't why?
You constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells.