Love, Heartbreak

Dear Gals: Why Must You Do These 14 Awful Things? Love, Guys

The ladies of the YourTango staff put together a great list of relationship mistakes that women constantly repeat. And today the guys (fine, just this guy) put together an addendum to that list: the errors women tend to make that drive us dudes craaazy. As always, drop your own knowledge on us in the comments.

1. Insisting that any relationship book is gospel just because you happen to agree with it.

2. Putting an arbitrary number on dates or days before you consummate the relationship. Ninety days, shminety days, when it's right it's right. No pressure. 

3. Being ashamed of your body. We think it's super awesome, you don't have to cover up, boo. 

4. Quoting Dr. Phil. We have no idea what "no dog ever peed on a moving car" means and neither do you.

5. Equating time apart with dissatisfaction. Dudes like golf, fishing, football, gambling, etc. Don't take it personally; it's not [usually] to get away from you.

6. Baiting and switching. "I just have to get one thing" and actually shopping are two different animals. We like to know what we're getting into*.

7. Assuming that we'll become besties with your BFF's boyfriend. We promise to talk about guy stuff but he's not going to be a groomsman, OK?

8. Pulling the goalie without alerting the other team. Sure, this rarely happens in real life on the Earth but it's a Blair Witch that scares the bejingles out of every man alive.

9. Offhandedly mentioning intimate details of our relationship to other people. That shish was said in confidence, aight? 

10. Constantly comparing your relationship to that of your friends, relatives, celebrities, imaginary people, et cetera. WE'RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE! They probably have issues that would make you pee your pants in terror.

11. Saying, "My friends think…" when you mean "I think…" Eventually, we will ask your friends about it.

12. Cajoling us into the bathroom to keep the conversation going while you do your business. Number one kills a little mystery; number two is one of the deal breaking-est deal breakers of all time.

13. Qualifying your appreciation of our sweeping romantic gestures. How were we to know that you find Queen Anne's Lace tacky or consider serenades via karaoke vulgar?

14. Asking your friends or family to mediate disputes. Weird that you're in the right every time. Weird.

That's it, everything else you do is absolutely perfect. Keep up the good work and we'll think about working on that toilet seat issue. 

*In exchange, we'll try to mean one drink, one inning or more song, when we say it.