By sxd-up — Written on May 23, 2009
This is the first time I've written a sex blog. The idea appeals to me . I've always had a facination with sex as far back as I can remember. The first time I remember thinking about sex, I must have been about 4 years old. I found what was apparently my dad's Playboy magazine, and every since then, I've been obsessed with sex!
I had sex for the first time (with a partner) when I was 13. By 16 I was pregnant with my first child. I was not married to and did not marry my baby's father. What a stroke of good luck that was~ although the sex was enjoyable, it was nothing earth-shattering. He was not at all concerned with my pleasure, I assume he thought the very fact that I was with him should be pleasure enough.
At 19 I married my first husband. The sex was eons better, but still not the amazing experience I had always dreamed of. I was sure there was something I was doing wrong, or that there was some secret to sex that I had inexplicably never been privileged enough to learn. That marriage ended in divorce 11 years , two kids and a stillborn baby later. By then, we almost hated each other. I took me that long to realize that he was still a kid himself (and still is at 53 years of age).
After I left my first husband, I lived with a "man' 8 years my junior , assuming the sex would be energetic and passionate because of his youth. What I actually got was inexperience and a man who liked to beat me. Sometimes for no discernable reason. I was scared to leave him amid threats of "I'll find you and kill you". I found my salvation in his own stupidity. He got himself arrested on a drug charge and spent a gool deal of time in jail.
It was really hard trying to start over on my own. My finances were suddenly cut in half and I had 2 kids to support. I found myself working all the time to try to keep things afloat and had given up on love completely. My job was cashiering at a convenience store and although there was plenty of opportunity to meet men, I just really didn't want to take time and go to the trouble of another relationship just to be heartbroken again.
'Then one day, a tall bulky redneck man walked in my store and stole my heart. It took a good while for him to convince me to give us a shot. I'm talking like 6 months. It took me a long time to believe what a gentle, caring man he was. When we finally decided to sleep together, I was amazed how wonderful it was! We married and continued to have great sex for the next 17 years. Then it happened. At first he began wanting sex a little less. Then it slowly dropped over the next 2 years until we were never having sex at all. He told me that he still loved me and that he just didn't have any desire any more. We tried everything we could short of counseling. He's the "strong , silent' type and flat refused therapy. I was at the end of my rope! I didn't know what to do . Sure, I still had my vibrator, but that is a poor substitute for my husband! This went on for over a year. Then we got a computer. Through an accident ( my own ignorance of computers), I found he was looking at hundreds of pages of porn. And to make matters worse, some of the sites were "find a mate" sites. Now, I'm definately no prude. I watch porn myself. But the fact that this was all the sexual activity he was having and it wasn't shared with me, really made me feel ugly and old..I'm 20 years older and 30 pounds heavier than I was when we married. So, I lost 30 pounds and updated my make-up , hair and fashion to be more appealing to him. All to no avail. Still not the slightest interest in me. The "find a mate " sites worried me that he was looking to leave, but didn't want to be alone. After much conversation, many tears, a well-timed e-mail from me to him, denials from him and a really awful week during which I thought the marriage was over we're finally starting to reconnect both intimately and sexually. The sex has been the greatest of my life. It's like he suddenly remembered everything I ever expressed an interest in (sexually) and has started incorporating it into our love making. Dirty, nasty, raw sex. Amazing!!! Every single day since then we've had sex at least once every day. More sex has led to more sex! And steamier sex, at that! I can't wait for him to come home and fuck me. I get wet just thinking about it. And if he's sent me a dirty text, no other foreplay necessary.