She's Allergic To Me


What happens when my hair gives her a rash.

Em & Lo have a great regular feature called "Ask Dr. Kate." This time around a girl has a serious problem: an allergic reaction to her dude.

Dr. Kate (a real, actual, medical doctor of obstetrics / gynecology) gives the ins, outs, ups and downs of what happens when a gal's lady business is allergic to her dude's swimmers. It's not pretty, it's not sexy and it's not pleasant. Sure, "sometimes love don't feel like it should," but this is ridiculous. A little tenderness after a rousting round of the humpty dance isn't uncommon but rashes, redness and itching are not part of the bargain. It's worth your while checking out Dr. Kate's advice on this one.

But not all people allergies involve putting p into v, youngin'. And I'm not talking about her (or his) obnoxious laugh. Some people are allergic to their SO's skin or in my case, hair.

A girl I "dated" in college objected to my penchant for shaving my head when the fancy (Jagermeister) struck me, but her real gripe was that she'd actually break out after contact with my facial and chest hair. While I could probably have removed all of my chest hair (why live then?) and shaved my grill more often (though as a collegian once every five days was more than enough), it really didn't make much of a difference. We tried new soap and shampoo.

Make-out sessions (they were epic, even though I was a probably a bad kisser) ended with one of us red-faced and the other one with a rash. Shirtless (on my part, I assure you) embrasure was equally as dangerous. The angry, reddish hair follicles of my Magnum (either a mustache or chest hair resembling that of Tom Selleck, Magnum PI) were quite disagreeable to her sensitive skin. That should have been a giveaway that it wasn't meant to be. I'm a hugger (but not clingy, if that makes sense) and I like to keep my shirt off from June through August, so something had to give. Les jeux sont faits*.

It's not easy being me. Anyone else out there have Histamines take down your romance? What did you do to overcome it? Does it take an ocean of Calamine lotion?

*Translation: The game is up (your ass is mine). A DVD to the first person who knows where that's from.