#1. Thoughts on Love


Hello Fellow Lovers. I call you that because you are loving beings, no matter if you say you love me or anyone else. I believe that the smallest, mindful, thoughtful, kind acts are actions of love. A hug, a smile, a laugh, a warm soft gaze, a compliment, a delightful meal, quality time.. you get the picture. What is so scary about loving people? I ask that because i live a polyamorous lifestyle, meaning I am in open relationships, sexually with two or more people, and I am always open to more lovers, or more non sexual intimate experiences, and most people do not believe they even have the capacity for this lifestyle. I ask why limit yourself to a capacity of love? We have endless capacity. It's the jealousy, attachment, ego, fear, and discomfort with all of it that gets in the way and creates stories in our mind that we are not capable of loving more than one person, or being 'in love with more than one person". In-love. Thats a tricky one. What does In-Love mean? I guess love has a hierarchy of levels of expression and feelings towards another. I like to call it being in unconditional love with someone, even though I would ideally like to be in unconditional love with every being. Which is incredibly hard when people's personalities, choices, actions, and minds conflict with our own so much we can't stand to be around them. We judge, we take it personally, we get caught up in their way of life and how its soooo disturbing, or disrespectful or irresponsible and "If only they were this way, or they should be this or that" is our quick fix to it all. But instead we must love them unconditionally in the exact place they are in, the choices they make, and understand its necessary to their own development as a person, and expression of creation. When we build expectations of others and get let down when they don't meet those expectations, we build anger and resentment. I see this between roommates as well as between lovers.  It's our own responsibility to express what we want from people instead of expecting it to come to us. This is the key to any relationship. Communication. We must communicate our wants, desires, fears, jealousies, discomforts, and especially our happiness to live in unconditional freedom with not only ourselves but the universe. What is unconditional freedom? It's the poster you see in elementary school that says "the sky is the limit". Its loving yourself unconditionally first and foremost inclusive to your dark side as well as your light side. Not judging something as bad or good but experiencing it from a neutral standpoint. Then are you free of attachment to either or. Free of letting ego get involved, and letting your mind run a muck of insecurities and destructive thoughts. But of course we are human, we let our minds run a muck, we get insecure, we deface ourselves, we hide parts of ourselves from the world because we are afraid to let it out, afraid to be vulnerable to those around us. We put up fronts, walls, barriers. We suppress the parts of us we judge as unattractive and try to cover it up. We are all afraid of opening up, afraid of being 'let down', afraid of being judged, afraid of trusting others to be 'let in' to our true selves. We all have something inside that goes unexpressed due to fear. We fear being loved!! Why? What is so scary about love. I'm in multiple relationships not to feel a bunch of people love me and give to me, but instead to love outwardly multiple people. My intention is to be love, express it and i realize that the more love i embody the more love i receive. But im not receiving it only from others, I am receiving it from myself!! And it feels good. It feels good to be of service to others, to give hugs, massages, cook for others, listen. And some days i feel drained and I go into self reserve mode, and I get frustrated. I admit i have those days. The one thing that has me feel better is putting my attention outwards in a loving way. I want to live in each moment fully and presently and be free to express myself fully in that moment without exclusivity to any part of my being of expression. We tend to have relationships with people, monogamous relationships, where we express ourselves to one person fully, openly, sexually, emotionally, mentally, and tend to get caught up in that relationship as the only person to fulfill our needs, and the only person to have sexual relations with. Why do we put such exclusivity on our sex organs? Why do we get so jealous about lovers experiencing pleasure by another person sexually? We have multiple emotional relationships with people, why not sexually? I know its difficult to go through all the emotions involved with watching a lover, someone you are sooo deeply emotionally invested in, go be intimate and happy with another. Our relationship with that lover may feel threatened. We tend to lessen it in value, compare it to the other relationships. We tend to focus on whats lacking instead of the positive aspects; the unity of it. I have felt jealous of another lover's relationship with someone else because they have something we don't. They share something we don't. I want that. Want want want. Instead i realized that me and my lover have something that's different than her and her other lover and it is just as unique and beautiful. I focus on the creation between us and how it can't possibly be the same as any other relationship we both have with others. That's the thing.. All relationships are unique, different and beautiful. They are experiences that show us parts of ourselves that we challenge to face, or admire, or desire to be more like. I have to come back to that all the time. Focus on the positive. Key to life right? When we choose positivity and love instead of fear we progress. We feel warmth and security in the universe, or at least i know i do. I feel taken care of because I am putting out positive energy i know will return to me. I become more mindful of my negativity and choose to act to change it a lot sooner now than ever. And I feel just a little bit more enlightened and able to have positive influence on others. There is so much connection to be had between people. Why limit love to between just two people? Why limit sexual exploration and physical expression of love to just between two people? Those are my thoughts.... my philosophy of relationship. I'll leave you with that.

Much Love