A Temporary Cure For Quick Shooters

Love, Self

Scientists have found a spray that may cure the minute (or less) man.

God bless you, science. Researchers from all over are doing their best to improve everyone's sex lives, and one of its major offenders—premature ejaculation—has met its match. In spray form.

A scientific study involving 300 European men, all suffering from a ghastly less than a minute romp in the hay, were divided into placebo and actual groups to see if the newest concoction of PSD502 spray does in fact increase lasting time.

This magical spritz contains lidocaine and prilocaine, which are elements traditionally used for dermal anesthesia and numbing the skin before getting a tattoo or laser hair removal. Participants were asked to spray their nether regions five minutes before sex and abstain from masturbating or any other kind of genital stimulation for 24 hours before each sexual encounter.

The men who got the spray increased their romp time to an average of 3.8 minutes, while ironically, the placebo group finally broke a minute. Hm. Might be worth looking into what was in that "placebo" bottle.

While under 4 minutes across the board is nothing to write home about, it's a start, no?

Hey, it's the small steps.

However, this gives lead researcher Professor W. Wallace Dinsmore, of the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast, U.K., hope. She describes premature ejaculation as a major hurdle for men seeking intimacy (ed. note: we'd say so. Our first thought when we read this study: these minute-men actually have willing ladies to practice on?).

All men that used the PSD502 spray reported not only more satisfying orgasms but "improvements in perceived control, personal distress, satisfaction with sexual intercourse, and interpersonal problems."

Listen up, FDA!