Cosmopolitan's Interesting Woo Him Strategies

Love, Self

And by "interesting" we mean "ridiculous" But then again, what do we know.

We were trawling around Yahoo! and stumbled upon one of those teasers that always gets us double-clicking. Today it was: Dating Secret: What Makes Men Fall In Love.

OK. Fine. We'll bite. Let's just see what Cosmopolitan (this particular source) has to say.

We kept in mind that these "tips" never manage to help us net a man (or even a second glance!) but we always learn a new silly girlish trick or two to stuff up our sleeve for later use. It's always something dumb, like next time we're in the company of fetching lad chew ice "seductively" in order to trigger some latent, instinctual sexual something that will subliminally give him the impression we're doable. Or something. We never remember to put them to use.

Perhaps we've successfully rid our psyches of the sage wisdom within the pastel covers of lady magazines, because this particular column had us horrified. Interchange the words "him" and "man" with "Fluffy" and the word "love" with "overnight carrier case" and you've got yourself a new advice column that would be a perfect fit "How To Get Them Ready For The Vet" in Cat Fancy magazine. We started feeling less like we were trying to please an actual man, and more like we were attempting to trap the neighborhood possum. 

(There's a "men are dogs" joke in there somewhere, but we're too lazy to make it right now.)

Here are a few examples of how Cosmo advises we trap men into wanting to spend the rest of their lives with us:

Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur trigger an intense response in single men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts.

Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then -- say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. -- remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks.

Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.

Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.

Got that ladies? The wild beast feels most comfortable when you wear soft materials, do subtle things to change your hair (a simple pony tail on alternate days will do), prepare his feast with him near and cat nap as to know you aren't threatening.

I suspect we'll all have engagement rings by next week.