Man's Fascination With Paris Hilton Explained

Buzz, Self

There's something about Paris HIlton that guys just love.

I'm writing this from my boyhood bedroom (they got Wi-Fi!) back in the Dirty Dirty, I was given a dictate to throw out a ton of notebooks and magazines. Easier said than done, these things hold sentimental value. Though looking back at things written even a short while ago can produce a cringe, it's a fun way to see how you and the world around you have changed since that time. The good news for me is that like Joe Walsh, "Everybody's so different, I haven't changed… Life's been good to me so far." But I did run across an old copy of the now defunct Radar. It was the second issue and it had a Paris Hilton on the cover with the headline "B-List Nation." This was the summer of 2003 and we had just invaded Iraq, so clearly we needed a touch of distraction. And who better to give it to us? 

Before that year, she was mostly known as a model and a girl who liked the nightlife, liked to boogie, but was largely a NYC tabloid celebrity. The Radar issue made me slightly more aware of the Hilton sisters but a little direct-to-DVD featurette called 1 Night In Paris really changed things for her. It put her on the map and probably ensured that her reality gig, The Simple Life, was viable.

But the fame and created new relationship opportunities for her. No longer was she going to have to date the Jason Shaws and Nick Carters and Rick Salomons of the world. She could date Greek shipping heirs (even ones who shared her first name) and some real rock 'n rollers (Good Charlotte's Benji Madden qualifies).

There was even brief rumor that she was dating America's sweetheart Vinny Chase Adrian Grenier. And we was a few weeks back that she was seen in the company of Gerard Butler 10 days ago per Hollyscoop.

So, what is it about Paris Hilton that drives the blokes wild? Is it her hair? There is something to be said about gentlemen preferring blondes. But with hair coloring technology what it is today, any woman can be a blonde. Is it the way she shakes her behind for the menfolk? Uh, what behind? She has stereotypical white girl's ass. Artie Lange (who must believe he speaks for all of us) once said that she'd be the hottest gal alive if she had a nicer seat. Is it her rack? While her bosoms are ample, it's not really the selling point (and there's conjecture as to their authenticity). And as far as her looks go, she's definitely pretty (I'm sorry ladies) but she's no Diane Kruger. So, she's a nice-looking, rich girl with a good chest and a sort of tiny back porch.

So what is it beyond her looks and wealth (supposedly wealth is intimidating to guys, though I don't buy it) that keeps the men gawking? It must be some sort of élan or je ne sais quoi (no, I don't know what it means). You just can't quite put your finger on it. Or is it that deep down in our hearts, all men secretly like any skinny girl who wears revealing dresses, gets drunk, dances on tables and is liable to forget to wear underpants. That must be it. No matter how educated, famous, rich, classy a guy is, there's something in our genes (and jeans, buh dum pah) that makes loose, drunken women unbearably appealing. And despite her diligence and acumen (old girl makes a few million a year doing whatever it is that she does), the real allure of Paris Hilton is this gut feeling that you could show up at a bar somewhere and, with you're A-Game (the same game that landed that 1 girl way out of your league that time in college) and the help of half a dozen shots, bring her home with you. And there's also a deep-seated suspicion that she could teach you a thing or 3*, ideally not in hindsight about the importance of safe sex**.

If your guy carries a little torch for PH, take it easy on him, OK? He can't really help it. Or better yet, wear a skimpy outfit sans panties, get mostly drunk at a nightclub, take him back to a motel and try some moves that you read about in Cosmo.

*Despite 1 Night In Paris being completely vanilla, she looks like she knows things that would make 50 Cent blush.
**There is probably some faction of men that would like to teach her a lesson, with their you-know-whats.
***Also, guys appreciate capriciousness in a one-night stand. It's a relief when she's on the next thing as fast as you.