Drawing Sides In the Madonna Divorce

Drawing Sides In the Madonna Divorce
Buzz, Heartbreak

The Madonna - Guy Ritchie divorce is in the side-choosing phase.

In any breakup, divorce, or 'break' lines in the sand get drawn and everyone has to choose a side. And why would that be any different for the MadonnaGuy Ritchie split? We'll spare you the obvious allies (or not, A-Rod's on her side and new squeeze Kelly Reilly is down with Guy) but some of the other might be a little less obvious. For the purpose of this exercise, we'll probably reference some dubious sources and likely jump to conclusions, just to show how silly this thing has gotten.

The Madonna Camp

Gwyneth Paltrow is down with Madonna. According to the San Francisco Gate, Margo Tenenbaum is 'there for' Madonna and ready to help with the healing process. Solid gold. Maybe there's something about being a blonde American entertainer living in London married to a handsome, short haired British artist that's trickier than it looks.

Ciara is down with Madonna, according to Angry Ape. Ciara says something about Madonna being a heck of a woman and A-plus, number one in her book. Sounds like someone's thinking duet (T Pain may be involved).

The New York Yankees. According to Sify.com, Guy Ritchie got really sad (some say cried but it may have also been dusty) when he spotted son Rocco sporting a Yankees jersey. This works on many psychological levels; A) The A-Rod thing, yeah that silly business; B) We’re pretty sure that most British people are still a little upset about the American Revolution and the word 'Yankee' burns biscuits over there; and C) In the UK, Hooligans wear jerseys. We imagine that normal people wear them, but so do Hooligans. My mom cried when I came home with a Mohawk for similar reasons.

We predict that there will be an American athlete and an American pop star in the next London gangster movie. And that things will not end well for them. RockNRolla has a sequel.

Team Ritchie

While Chris Martin hasn't publicly reached out to Guy Ritchie, he was seen on the town with Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr according to Stuff. Sure, RDJ and Jude Law star as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson in Ritchie’s adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's detective tales, we're still convinced that they're down with Guy Ritchie.

This may come as a surprise, but according to Daily Mail, Kabbalah is sort of down with Guy Ritchie. Supposedly the powers that be in the religious sect, notably a Rabbi Berg, are embarrassed by this whole deal and want a settlement… immediately. We wonder if this is true and, if so, will Madonna listen up?

The site Inquisitr thinks that the ladies magazines are going to be sorry if this sucker isn't dragged out. We'll cope. They hit the nail on the head with their estimation that a settlement will severely rankle some high-priced lawyers.

The royal family is said to be mulling over their options but we see them publicly backing Ritchie while Prince Harry secretly comforts Madonna.*

And The Voice Of Reason

According to Female First, while everyone else is clamoring to get someone's back, young Lourdes (is her last name Leon or Ciccone?) just wanted everyone to cool it. Word on the street has it that her intervention and pleas for everyone to act rationally might keep this thing from dragging everyone through court and shame (fine, more shame). Divorce is really sweet when it gives a 12-year old a chance to be the voice of reason and maturity.

So, do you have a dog in this fight? Do you think one party, from what you've heard, is in the wrong? We don't know what to think except that it takes a big man to cry and an even bigger man to make him cry. And to be terribly careful arguing dollars and cents with someone whose moniker is the Material Girl, it's right up there with going in against a Sicilian when death is on the line or getting involved in a land war in Asia.

*Note: We made that one up.

Photos: Splash