Introducing Tomfoolery

Introducing Tomfoolery

A few expectations and bits of vocab for our newest guy's blog: Tomfoolery

Hey Gang,

Thanks for checking in on my new new column. It's called Tomfoolery. Is the name a little cheap? Sure. But Miller Time was going to get me sued and SportGoofin' didn't make any sense. This new column will carry a lot of themes from the old Daily Dish but cover a little more ground and dive slightly deeper. Do I love writing about "Strange Love and Celebrity Hijinks"? Yes, yes I do. But we cover it all in Love Buzz and CelebLove, respectively. So, what do you expect this time around? A guy's take.

This guy's take. The opinions offered forth in Tomfoolery are mine and mine alone. I don't speak for YourTango and I certainly don't speak for all dudes. Shiite, sometimes the opinions offered in this space aren't even things that I totally buy into but instead things that I think someone with a good dose of self-esteem will find funny, and people a little low on the amour-propre might think is a personal jab launched directly at them. Don't worry if you're a little sensitive, I am too.

So, in this space you'll get weird bits of news, opinion, interviews, sporty videos, links I think you'll like, and anything to keep the show rolling. If you see something you like, let me know. If there's something that you don't like, feel free to let it out (the hate in your heart).

What makes me qualified to write all this? I work for a ladies magazine.

There are a few concepts and terms you may want to get on board with to keep up:

America's Sweetheart: Any blond, female celebrity under 40
Australian: Manly
Boyf: Shorthand for boyfriend
The Brady Bundch: Tom Brady & Giselle Bundchen (also see Brundch Date)
Buh Dum Pah: When a bad joke would benefit from a drum (also "is this thing on?" or "tah, aw jeez")
Colonel Angus: Sound it out, with a Dirty Dirty accent (from SNL)
Cork soaker: Sound it out (from SNL)
Die hard with a vengeance: The likelihood of coming back as a ghoul (or poltergeist) if a man dies during sex
The Dirty Dirty: The Southern United States
Double R: Ryan Reynolds
Double V: Vince Vaughn
Girlf: See above, don't be a jerk
The Handsomest Man Alive: George Clooney
The Herp: A stand-in for any STD but specifically Chlamydia
Johnny Haircut: John Edwards (may not be mentioning him much)
Little Dishrag: A girl (or guy) that you would love to take home, preferably never see again, and hope you don't get herp from
Namean?: "Do you know what I mean?"
NEB: Non-Essential Boner, a spontaneous erection with little or no stimulus, the bane of young men and the envy of middle-aged men
Not A Home Wrecker: Sienna Miller
Not that I watch that show: I love that show
A Pretty Cool Guy: Billy Zane (from Zoolander)
Pretty Tony: Tony Romo
Satyriasis: Nymphomania in a male
ScarJo: Scarlett Johansson
Svenborgia: A place in Europe that only rich people know about (30 Rock)
Walk of pride: Owning a walk of shame
Yo-Yo Dating: On-again, off-again dating

I'll be adding to the list regularly. Let me know if you got any ideas.