The "New Infidelity"

The "New Infidelity"
Buzz, Sex

Is masturbation kind of like cheating?

Some husbands diddle their secretaries at the office. Other husbands diddle... themselves.

Maybe jerking off at home wasn't private enough? On the Details blog, sex writers Em & Lo talked to a husband and wife couple struggling—yes, struggling—with hubby's masturbation. The wife griped:

"Just imagining him there in his office on his own, it seemed like the ultimate act of desperation, something you'd only do if you didn't have a partner."

Except that's perception, not reality! Em & Lo say most guys in a long-term relationship still go at it: "A 1994 study found that nearly 85 percent of men living with a sexual partner masturbate, compared with only 45 percent of women." Still, the red flags aren't too hard to understand: while some insecurities may arise from worrying that one's sex life isn't as good as it should be, the fact that a lot of dudes like to jerk off to pornography is another reason wives and girlfriends could be pissed off.

But unlike infidelity, masturbating can't cause pregnancies or spread diseases. It seems to me its more important for couples who masturbate when they're alone to be self-reflective enough to know, 1) they're asking for what really want in bed, and 2) they're not addicted to pornography. The first is inconsiderate to yourself, the second is inconsiderate to your partner—it puts you in Trey MacDougal on Sex and the City territory, surreptitiously whacking off to Juggs in the bathroom while your sexy wife simmers back in bed.

Retiring the old vibrator for awhile is one of the best parts of a relationship... but not letting it gather dust bunnies is just smart.

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