Kylie Minogue Waffles On Sexuality?

Kylie Minogue Waffles On Sexuality?
Love, Self

Kylie Minogue has hit a dry patch and joked about switching teams.

Everyone's favorite Australian, cancer-surviving singer (all due apologies to Olivia Newton John), Kylie Minogue, has been having some trouble in the guy department lately. And according Digital Spy she's thinking about going les (bian). The exact quote, after gushing about the late Tallulah Bankhead, was "God knows I can't get a man, so maybe I should cross over." This is the hell which Olivier Martinez hath wrought. But we suspect a bit of hyperbole on Kylie Minogue's part. Who hasn't been there before? It's like, "what am I doing wrong? Is it a pheromone? Is everyone's gaydar bling-blinging and I'm just missing the signs? Do I just need to hit 1 of those bars where everyone is desperate and claim it’s my birthday?"

We wonder what this more or less joking revelation is going to have on the literal segments of her fan base? As a massive gay icon, is there going to be a problem actually being gay? Would the gay dudes feel somehow alienated? Would the gay women accept that tight little package into their midst? And what if she and Madonna both switched at the same time? The Chelsea neighborhood of New York, The Castro District of San Francisco, and South Beach would be overrun with riots. Riots of joy or riots of sorrow? You be the judge. Whatever the case, "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" was a good song and would be really hard to riot to unless someone had the forethought to bring glow sticks. Hey, whatever happened to Alice DJ?