Why Madonna's Marriage Failed

Why Madonna's Marriage Failed
Buzz, Self

Exercise obsession, sexless nights and jealousy may be to blame.

Madonna’s abs may be hard as a rock, but her soon-to-be ex-husband Guy Ritchie has reportedly said that she was as cuddly as a piece of gristle .

The UK’s Daily Mail cited the material girl’s four-hour daily body-building routine as one reason behind the couple’s divorce. The DM’s source said Madge’s strict regime left little time for lovemaking during an 18-month dry spell. 

Guess it takes more than bulging biceps to keep a marriage together, since the couple’s divorce settlement is pending. So far, Ritchie is looking at an estimated $60 million worth of cash and real estate, as well as full access to his sons Rocco, 8, and David Banda, 3. The settlement includes a gagging clause that prevents him from speaking about his seven-and-a-half year marriage. 

The gag-order comes as no surprise. Even the couple’s 2000 wedding was kept under wraps until just last weekend, when never-seen-before photos were leaked and released by the Daily Mail. Talk about sad timing.

Speaking of loose lips, Christopher Ciccone, (a.k.a. he-who-can’t-be-gagged author of “Life With My Sister Madonna”), has been spewing out a laundry list of reasons why his sister’s marriage failed. Isn’t Madonna a lucky star to have such an invasive brother! It seems like Ciccone got more than his helping of the family’s commentator genes, but at least he is acting as a neutral party by blaming both his sister and brother-in-law for their marital difficulties. Ciccone says Ritchie is at fault for being jealous, -between A-Rod and Lourdes’s father Carlos Leon, who wouldn’t be?- and Madonna’s is guilty of a tough-girl attitude and over-commitment to Kabbalah.

“The Kabbalah sect, to which Madonna is completely devoted, played a large role in this marriage,” Ciccone told German newspaper Bild. “It was based on it. And that is not enough on which to base a marriage. It couldn't have survived.”

Well that’s settled.