Worst Best Man Ever?

Worst Best Man Ever?

What makes a Best Man? What makes him the worst best man?

Superlatives have gotten out-of-hand these days. And I hold The Simpsons largely responsible. In an early fan forum, the 1992 episode "Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie" was decried the "worst episode ever." A later episode, also built around Itchy and Scratchy, was mocked in the closing credits as the "worst episode ever" by Comic Book Guy (a not subtle jab at nerdy, hard-to-please Simpsons fans). Comic Book Guy nearly dies of a heart attack (ack-ack-ack, Billy Joel fans), leaves his store to Bart and Milhouse, falls in love with a much older woman, and goes to jail in an episode entitled "Worst Episode Ever." This spawned programs like VH1's Best Week Ever and CBS’s Worst Week. And, I'm convinced, led to the lame-ass acronym BFF.

And in the past couple of decades, as a result, superlative and hyperbole have literally grown to their WORST PROPORTIONS EVER. And it's made us wonder if the words 'best' and 'worst' even mean anything any more. For instance, when choosing a Best Man, is he literally the best man you know? I was a Best Man once and I'm pretty sure that my buddy knows men that are way better than me. (Did I rock though? Yeah, a little.) Is it your best friend or, God forbid, your BFF? Is it the person that you think will best handle the administrative aspects for the Groom's side? Is it the guy who'll drop the best speech? Is it the guy you once ate mushrooms with in college and have since developed a psychic bond? Or, is it just kind of like love, you know it when you see it? We suppose a competition involving physical, mental, emotional, and loyalty challenges could work.

And my God, if it’s so difficult to figure out who the Best Man is, what about the worst Best Man? We’re guessing that the worst best man is someone who seems reliable (maybe even lobbies hard for the job) and then totally drops the ball. Maybe he’ll lose the ring. Maybe he'll hire hookers instead of strippers for the bachelor party. I guess that The Worst Best Man will probably have had sex with the bride… recently (as goes the legend of the Groom's Revenge Speech). Nope, in order to qualify as one of the worst (little "W") Best men of all time, all you have to do is ruin the wedding. This can be with a drunken toast, losing the ring, starting a fight, or the following…

Hope they took plenty of photos beforehand. Do you think this was real or staged? What’s the worst thing that you've seen from a Best Man? And is there something better we can call that position? Man of Honor sounds lame. Any thoughts on a hyperbole-free replacement?