The Witherspoon House Rules!

reese witherspoon on set

Reese Witherspoon runs a tight ship. Is Jake up to the task?

Damn, son. Just when everything was going great; Reese's divorce went through, Ryan Phillippe was dating this Abby Cornish broad (so he's OK), people were finally not making Brokeback Mountain jokes (partially because Heath Ledger and partially because our national attention span has evaporated); in short, it was pretty sweet to be Jake Gyllenhaal. Then he did the only logical thing and moved in with his adorable girlfriend, Reese Witherspoon. And now things aren't looking so rosy. According to Digital Spy, there are some stern rules in the Witherspoon household.

She has kids, so it makes some amount of sense that swearing is proscribed. Jake is obligated to apologize after dropping any curse words f-bomb on down (Though, to be fair she should construct a list of words that can't be said and the context; for instances sometimes a female dog in heat is being a total bitch). The rest of the rules are pretty standard: no shoes inside, garbage duties, and no feet on the coffee table. No big deal, really. But the application of any household rules has to come as a shock, right? Playing part-time dad to your girlfriends kids, taking vacations together, and sneaking in stay-overs is a completely different ball of wax than the actual move-in. And if stepping up to cohabitation is such a rude awakening, think of marriage.

The real problems start when Jake Gyllenhaal buys a second home (say on the other coast) with his money and then thinks he can make the rules, because, God dammit (sorry), he's a big star in his own right and a man should be able to put his feet on his f*cking coffee table (sorry) when he damn well pleases. He seems like a cool dude, he'll probably be able to pull this off provided that he doesn't freak out about a new rule and tell her that he'll see her next Tuesday (sorry).

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