How Do You Fight Fair?

How Do You Fight Fair?
Love, Heartbreak

Fighting fair: when is it time to let go of an argument?

My husband and I fought for three hours one Thanksgiving over the difference between a possum and a opossum. He said there was none and I said there was and what was dead on his mom's driveway was an opossum. We would have gone all day if my brother-in-law hadn't settled it with Wikipedia. Answer: Possums are on the Eastern hemisphere and opossums are on the Western hemisphere. For the record, that means I won.

According to an essay on my husband and I should have probably conceded before a third-party had to get involved. The article explains that couples need to evaluate what they are fighting about before they engage in an all out battle, which I imagine means you can fight over words in Scrabble but not in Boggle.

"I want my relationship to work more than I want to be right. This time around, the big picture is clear. I love my husband. I don't want to hurt him. We're compatible, and it feels awful when we don't get along. I want our marriage to thrive, and I want to grow - which means learning how to lose on occasion. At this precipice, I'm learning to take a deep breath and peer at things from my partner's perspective. I know he's as sure of being right as I am, which makes me curious about where he's coming from. I trust him and our relationship enough to accept that the truth probably lies somewhere in the unfamiliar middle."

"It also doesn't hurt to learn the words that can deescalate any argument."

I think those sound like the words of a quitter.

Clearly my husband and I need to decide when to argue and when to let it go, and when to just box it out in Mike Tyson's Punch Out for the Wii.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.