Lately I’ve received some comments from readers (all three of you) who are under the impression I’m still in love with Alex and/or want to get back together with him. I never thought I gave off that vibe until I looked back at my posts and tried to read them from a third-person perspective—as it turns out, I can see where they are coming from.
I rarely criticize Alex or our relationship. I don’t go into too much detail about why we broke up. Actually, considering this blog is about my breakup, I think I steer pretty clear of mentioning him at all. Mostly I talk about myself in relation to the breakup: my feelings, my thoughts, my opinions—me.
But since my attempt to take the high road has been mistaken as a burning desire to get back together with Alex, I thought I’d abandon the maturity crap for one post and set the record straight.
There’s this scene in When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan has just broken up with her boyfriend (the one from the airport who didn’t want to have kids). She’s telling Billy Crystal why it ended when she says, “That was it for him. That was the most that he could give, and every time I think about it I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing.” Granted, she ends up crying when the ex gets married to another girl in the end, but that’s not because she still loves him—it’s because she wonders why he wanted to marry someone else but not her (can you tell I’ve seen this movie a few times?).
Anyway, that’s pretty much how I feel about Alex. We had a really great relationship, but we broke up because we both realized we’d never survive the long haul. We had too many differences, too many similarities, too many fights, too much distance. As a couple we were really good at overcoming obstacles, but in the end it was all too much work without enough reward.
When it ended, I was devastated. I watched our great relationship fail while I stood by, unable to save it. We had run our course and it was going to end no matter what either of us did, so I figured we could at least leave on good terms and stay in each other’s lives.
I realize I’m lucky to have walked away without any scars. I don’t hate men, I’m not afraid to start dating, and I feel pretty confident that love is out there and eventually I’ll find it again. Considering it’s called a breakup, I don't feel very broken. I’m actually kind of relieved to not have to worry about it anymore.
That’s not to say Alex is a bad person. He’s actually a really good person, and that doesn’t change just because we broke up. I’m still fond of him and I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for him and our time together. But I do not want to get back together. Far from it.
As far as the blog is concerned, my mother always said, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” So rather than complain about Alex and his shortcomings, I try to focus on what it's like to trade in “we” for “me.” I’m still adjusting to an Alex-free life, trying to figure out what our relationship will mean for my future relationships. “Over him” is a relative term that I haven’t really defined for myself yet. But even though I’m unsure of when I’ll be “over him,” it’s safe to say I’m happy without him.