Turkeys Sexually Assault WI Mailmen


Sex crazed turkeys terrorize Madison, Wisconsin.

Typically we try to keep things as germane as possible to human love and relationships. Sure, we’ll throw in the occasional robot story but that’s just because we love nerds. But we’re making a cross-species exception here. It appears that the turkeys of Madison, Wisconsin are horny as hell and taking it out on the town’s postal carriers. The 40-pound fowl are hurling themselves (talons, beaks, wattles and all) at the calves of mailmen (and presumably female mail carriers) with reckless abandon. Sure, we instantly think of imprudent sexual advances when we think of Wild Turkey but this is nuts.

And before you think that the postmen are ‘asking for it’ with their coquettish uniforms keep in mind they’re not the only victims. Little kids and cops are being harassed too. Is this our fault? Have we encroached on their territory? Has our suggestive media (particularly shampoo and body spray commercials) finally started riling up the animal kingdom? And why do turkeys feel like they can run wild? You don’t see chickens pulling this malarkey. They’re content to sit on eggs, rule roosts, and periodically beat mentally disabled people in tic-tac-toe. If you have just 2 or 3 minutes free today, check this article from the Chicago Tribune, good times.