The New Martial Art Of Seduction


Love is a battlefield, after all.

According to a press release, a cabal of seduction experts have created a new systematic method for training pick up artists. Like the karate guys, they’ve decided that a belt system makes the most sense. A newbie will begin as a white belt and earn his way up to 10th black belt.

The five experts choose to remain anonymous because they’ve got reputations to protect. But they know the true secrets to getting any guy off the street what he wants. They’ll even provide the first lesson for free (like a regular old dojo).

This seems reasonable. Like a fight, you can’t just go out there without training and practice and hope to win. Unless you’re a regular Josh Hartnett, it’s too tough for a normal guy. Once upon a time, alcohol and money were the only chance that a regular fella had. Not any more.

We imagine that Black Belt Seduction is an evolving art. Because as soon as a technique is perfected and successful then the ‘other side’ is going to start working on defenses against it. Those panties might not drop so easily the next time that you employ the Nonchalant Lotus stance for a second time.

We wonder what it takes to become a master. Do you have to swoop in and take a ‘conquest’ from one of the current masters? “Young grasshopper, you are now a man. Go forth and try not to multiply.” We’re guessing that it’s the happiest day in a young pick-up artist’s life but also kind of sad because there’s nothing left to learn. No word on if Mystery and Frank TJ Mackey are involved in this project.

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