Last weekend, Steve had gigs both Friday and Sat. nights. I went both nights for a few hours. I really and truly love watching and listening to him drum. On Saturday night, in fact, it really hit me. Sitting there, I was absolutely filled with pride. In an overwhelming, my-cup-runneth-over kind of way.
This got me thinking about pride. As I reflected, this popped into my head: Pride goeth before the fall. We’ve all heard this; we’ve all been cautioned. But, is it true? You think? Some people certainly think so: “It was pride that changed the angels into devils, it is humility that makes men as angels.” (C.S. Lewis)
What? Devils? Come on.
Here’s what I’m thinking. I see pride as a pre-cursor to respect, the foundation for respect. They go hand in hand, inextricably linked. And here’s where that tidbit leads me: Pride is the work of the angels, and I absolutely believe it to be essential to a healthy relationship.
(Pride) Aside: It may be true that too much pride is evil, but when there’s too much of something, it’s just not itself anymore. This is true of almost everything. Too much ambition? Greedy. Too accommodating? Vapid. Too much love? Obsessed. Too much PRIDE? How about, arrogant or conceited? I agree these two guys are ugly monsters.
Looking at your husband (or kids) through the eyes of pride, well, it’s almost like looking through rose colored glasses. Everything just looks better. Saturday night, when this burst of pride for my husband hit me, it was wonderful. I was filled with deep happiness. And I felt honored and excited to be Steve’s partner. When’s the last time you said/thought/felt excited to be a partner in your relationship? This is the power of pride. (Oh yes, it also turned me a bit lusty – an added bonus!)
So, it’s really worth it to seek this out. I’m fortunate that Steve makes his living “on stage,” so I get to witness him in his element all the time (even at home practicing). But most jobs don’t lend themselves to observation – heck, you may end up bored instead of proud. So we have to find other ways: hobbies, work around the house (Yes! I mean it. The ability to fix and build and cook is worthy!), volunteer work, etc…
When you find those times of pride, relish in them, let them wash over you. Let it seep into every part of your relationship. And as you move forward into the days/months/years to follow, allow (actually, demand it!) this pride to TRUMP those times of annoyance and resentment. Stop the unhealthy thoughts you build up against your partner by recalling your pride in them. It works.
One more thing (important not only for kids): TELL your loved ones whenever you feel proud of them. Gush even.
This concludes another view from my married life.