Romance in 2007: Dinner and Some Paperwork


Wouldn’t it be amazing to have background checks done on a man before you get any type of involved with him? Like real police background checks?


People used to think I was being too uptight when I used to say this, but in light of all the crazies that have been running the streets disguised as normal human beings lately, I’m starting to get some approving nods. As a woman who is officially starting over, jumping back into the dating pool, shining up the Cadillac for another ride around the block…okay enough metaphors because I’m starting to sound whorish.

Anyway, as I get back into it, I realize how scared I am. And this time, I’m not talking about getting my heart broken. I’ve found that I can handle a broken heart (cheers to Rajul for dusting the dirt off her shoulder? Anyone?). What I can’t handle is being chopped up and put in a garbage bag by some guy disguised as a polite, good-looking wholesome fella. I know this sounds morbid but I’ve been watching the news lately (terrible new habit) and I now know why people tell their children not to talk to strangers. Isn’t that what meeting potential dates essentially is? Talking to strangers? Holy crap – could a fun little speed dating event at a bar actually be a playground for psychopathic, deranged, socially undetectable – STRANGERS?

This is why, ladies, I have a very specific rule. I only go out on dates with men with references. They have to be introduced to me by a reliable friend; I’ll be as daring sometimes to take references from a friend of a friend. But that’s it. I used to meet great guys in college and date them – but only classmates. That way, I could study their interactions with others and try to detect any signs of crazy myself. However that theory is out the window because I met my lifetime heartbreaker Andre in an art class and he turned out leaking crazy everywhere. But not chop-people-up-crazy, thank goodness.

On the rare occasion that I do connect with a guy in a club or lounge (it’s gotta be some type of serious attraction for me to take his number) – I have to meet his mom ASAP. You read correctly – his mom. I need something solid to ensure the fact that he’s a functioning human, so if possible, I want to see how to interacts with his mother. This is my system and I’m sticking to it.

This leads me to why I’m most attracted to the men (or man rather) that is most familiar to me. Who I assume would never lay an aggressive hand on me, and hopefully build a friendship with me so I become his confidant. A nod from a best friend is a pretty sweet insurance package if you ask me, since my friends are very protective of me. It's all about getting that comfort level I long for. And if he finds me sexy at that comfort level - huge sweatpants and no makeup? Well that's more than I can even hope for right now.

 Ladies, do you have a crazy detection system or a more breezy “que sera sera” approach? No judgment, of course – just want to see if I’m being extra. And what about men? Do they have any fears of a female crazypants (or traditionally – crazyskirt)? I’m new at this, so let ya girl know…