I need your help. I’m serious, whoever you are that has graced my blog with your presence this week – I’d really appreciate your input on a little situation.

I have another inappropriate useless crush. He’s a train conductor that works the 10:02 a.m. local to New York Penn Station. He’s beautiful and I’m in awe of him.

Don’t judge me! Let me explain first. I noticed him months ago but haven’t seen him that often because I only take this train sometimes when I’m running late in the morning. I know train conductors aren’t exactly the most glamorous people on earth but let me tell you – he makes it look good.

He’s about 6’1” with a lean, muscular build. He’s probably as American as apple pie, but he appears to be a Mr. Universe contestant from Barbados. His features look like they were chiseled to perfection by an Italian sculptor and his full lips are usually set in a pensive pout. He smells amazing, which is hard to do on a train – it’s this faint coco butter scent mixed with clean laundry (what a man should smell like). His hair, neatly locked, is this soft sandy color. His skin is the hue of café au lait and his eyes are green. And not kind of brown and hazel and all that mess; they’re a piercing, Trident spearmint green. Honestly, I want to jump off my reality boat and drown in them.

I think my crush is fueled on the fact that he pays me absolutely no attention and it intrigues me. I mean, I’m not one of those suckers for hard-to-get but he’s not playing that. He just genuinely doesn’t know I exist. He takes my ticket and keeps it moving. And my shyness is in full effect – I don’t even usually make eye contact. When he walks away though, I stare like he’s a lasagna and I’m Garfield.

Like I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, the dating thing has me bored and the crushing thing is far more exciting. But a train conductor? Could he intellectually stimulate me?

“Maybe it’s his side job while he’s working through medical school!” Genevieve, one of my workers hopefully suggested. She was the victim of my crush-gushing when I came into the office today.


I want to say something to him, and this where I need help. My friends are making jokes about it and telling me to say things like “Hey handsome – I was having a bad morning but now my day’s looking up.” Needless to say, that’s a no-go. I just want to find out if he has a wife or girlfriend and then if not, ask if he’d like to get a drink with me.

I feel like I’m immune the idea of social standards. For instance, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the moneybags Ivy League real estate hottie that’s pursuing me like I’m the last woman on earth. But the conductor – he gives me goose bumps and naughty dreams. But that’s an issue I’m not really concerned about. I’m not at the point where I need to trade naughty dreams for stability just yet. I’m actually hoping for both one day…

Anyway, I need to get this guy’s attention. I just want to have a conversation with him. I want to tell him I fancy him. I just need to make any type of move. I need YOUR pick-up lines, suggestions or anything you give me on this. Put yourself in my boots. What would you do?

If me and Sexy McTrainboy get together – I’ll be forever grateful. And if that’s not enough, I’ll fly you out to our wedding in Barbados and toast to you for hooking it up. Thanks in advance.