Wedding Jitters


I’ve spent the last two weeks shopping for a dress. I got kind of obsessed. When I couldn’t find anything at any of the vintage stores around, I spent—and I’m seriously not exaggerating—at least twelve solid hours on ebay. Which isn’t entirely my fault, because the first dress I bought turned out to be smelly when they took it out of the warehouse so I got it free but I had to get another one.

Anyway, I know, people purchase clothing every day, that’s not terribly interesting. But the thing is that one of my closest friends is getting married, and I am a groomsman in the wedding. I have never been in a wedding before, and I never realized what I high-pressure commitment it is.

People complain about bridesmaids’ dresses but it’s almost worse having to figure the whole thing out for yourself. Because I’ll be standing up on the chuppah, in front of all my friends and all the friends of my friend that I don’t know and his family (who I love) and who knows who else. And whenever I’m at a wedding and I get bored with the proceedings, I spend the time staring at the attendants.

So I have to look good, and not just for myself. I feel this weird pressure to represent Adam, my friend, in a good way. I have to make it look like he has cool, attractive friends to everyone there. It’s my job to add to the cute, rock and roll nature of his wedding rather than detract from it.

Which is why I’ve spent the last two weeks refreshing ebay and wondering how much, truthfully, is too much to spend on a dress. I finally bought another one but it hasn’t arrived yet, so I’ve been keeping an eye on a couple of backups in case it looks weird. I also scheduled a haircut and am shopping for a cute hat and will suck it up and get my eyebrows waxed and maybe even a manicure. I even bought spanx, which are the most depressing garment possible, because I don’t think I have the personal fortitude to both wear heels and suck in for a solid hour or however long the ceremony takes.

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