The 2-Minute Cookie Recipe That's Every Hangry Person's DREAM

2 ingredients cookies

The fastest cookie recipe on the Internet.

Modern gals, we've heard your cries. You've been told you can have it all; A career, a kid, and your cake, too. But we all know that's bollocks.

With a million, trillion things on our plate everyday, it's easy to be too tuckered out for, well, anything. Especially for THAT THING. (Yes, I'm talking about sex.)

Rather than hold to the mantra that we really can have it all (Spoiler alert: we can't. It's impossible. Give it up, gals), we figured it was time to revamp our thinking. Let go a little. Toss the Pinterest perfection. Stop staying up late baking crazy rainbow cakes frosted with the feathers of a nubile baby hedgehog. Quit it with the exquisite layers of brownies baked in cookie dough topped with a cheesecake parfait. 

Yeah, ain't nobody got time for that.

But, what we DO have time for? Cookies you can make in 2 minutes. Let me repeat: TWO MINUTES.

Oh, and sex. We also have time for that, too. Lots of it. And more of it. It connects us. It de-stresses us. It reminds us that we should play. (And hopefully it lasts longer than it takes to make these cookies.) 

So, here you have it: The fastest cookie recipe on the Internet, so you can slow down tonight and get laid. And after all, what's more modern than being a teensy bit domestic...in two minutes flat?

You deserve a cookie. You deserve an orgasm. We may insist you can't have it all. But we sure as hell want you to at least have these two things.

2-Minute 2-Ingredient Cookies

  • 1 cup sliced almonds
  • 1 cup milk or dark chocolate chips, melted

1) Put your almonds in a food processor.

2) Process the sh*t out of them. Sorta. You want it kinda floury/crumbly.

3) Stir together the crumbly almonds and melty chocolate chips.

4) Spoon those cookies onto parchment with a spoon or tiny ice cream scoop.

5) Freeze until you're ready to pound 'em.

6) That's IT. YOU ARE DONE. 

7) Post-sex snacking, anyone?