"When I think about her, I don't think: drunk. I think: runner. I think: artist. I see her dancing around our apartment, mouthing the words to Motown songs but miming disco moves. I consider how her voice deepens when she wants to talk about something serious, how she has no tolerance for indirect conversation or ambiguous language. I remember how my hands trembled when I met her. She wakes up in the morning in the middle of a conversation, asking, "What's the difference between a barnacle and a crustacean?" She has a long list of wacky endearments for me, including "my fresh coat of paint" and "my little prize-winning chicken," and she's in the very small group of people who think I'm fun--even when she's sober."
According to CNN, a new breed of housewife is emerging: one who's jobless, childless and home by choice. The stay-at-home wives interviewed said a reduced amount of stress and an increased amount of quality time with their spouses were both the catalysts and benefits of quitting their careers. And for them, kids are either out of the question or on a distant horizon.
Mental Floss has a juicy top-five list up: "Five Scorned Women Get Their Revenge." But it's a chin-scratcher! Yeah, yeah, we understand Mental Floss is all smart and stuff, but we're unfamiliar with almost all of historical these tales of revenge. Boudicca? Lady Mao? The Chochiti tribe? I'm sorry, who? Maybe Mental Floss had no choice but to dip way far back into both history and obscurity. Despite the adage "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," there aren't a lot of contemporary examples -- other than the extreme ones, like Lorena Bobbitt and Ivana "Don't get mad, get everything" Trump. But damned if I'm ever going to let a member of the Trump family serve as an example for anything. (I, for one, almost stuff the contents of a takeout sushi dinner in ex's dresser drawers after being dumped -- but emphasis on the almost!)
Indeed, life-sized Barbie doll Cindy McCain, she of the flaxen-hair and bright white teeth, was not always the bride at the senator's side. McCain left for the Vietnam War married to another woman -- Carol McCain -- with whom he had three children. But their marriage of 15 years disintegrated in 1980 and married his current wife -- blonde beer heiress Cindy -- one month later.
Raucous, dramatic fights—me yelling, threatening to end things, and disappearing while he waited for me to simmer down—raged weekly in our early relationship. But as guests in sport coats and tea length dresses cheered our first kiss as man and wife, I realized our fights would have to change. How could I threaten to leave him when I had promised to stay with him forever? By the end of our wedding day, I had already shushed my inner drama queen once—the first step toward learning how to fight like a wife.
Words have power, no doubt. But why does the word 'wife' in particular conjure up so many connotations good and bad? To one woman it feels like too much of a destination and possibly too comfortable, whereas 'girlfriend' leaves a little mystery. With a little thoughtfulness, you can be both his wife and girlfriend. Also, you can find out what peezed means.
If your husband wants to have it, the quickest route to the bedroom is by way of a vacuum, a duster, and possibly a mop. I know, not very romantic and probably not your strong suit, but the small gesture of cleaning or picking up a bit around the house can lift a mother’s spirits—and lighten the stress of the impending household-chore doom. So guys, if you want to get it on, but your new-mom permanent-scowl wife just doesn’t seem up for it, clean. And make no mention of sex. Just clean. Without being asked. We guarantee you’ll be getting some by the time baby’s in bed.
Helen Andelin wrote a book about being a better wife called Fascinating Womanhood decades ago and now she teaches a web course about it. Our writer was skeptical, but she gave it a try. She was one of the only women in the class that was not a stay-at-home wife and someone of the lessons seemed beneath her. But she did need someone to talk to and was overwhelmed with housework. So, she listened intently to her classmates and learned that having an open mind and taking a new approach (for her) was helpful. And being a little more feminine was pretty fun. Maybe the 1950s housewife wasn't so hopelessly clueless after all.