Over the last couple of decades, Americans have been grooming more and more. I'm guessing that skimpier outfits have led women to remove more hair. And, somewhere along they way, us dudes were convinced that we needed to have hair removed, so we agreed to some waxing. But manscaping has possibly spun out of control with the male Brazilian wax. Is this something that we really need?
On our first date, we ended up making out in a bar on the Lower East Side. Our second date, I invited him up to my apartment. Maybe I was moving too fast, but I didn't care. After a tough breakup, I wanted to let my hair down. Which, I discovered over the next few weeks, wasn't Tobey's thing. One night I mentioned it jokingly, and he said, "I don't mind doing that at all. If a woman is well-groomed."
Women and men are wildly different. Ladies are soft, smell nice and are purty. Most dudes are lumpy/coarse, smell like motor oil and bear meat and are generally utilitarian in terms of looks. Because of your sensuality, delicateness and otherworldliness, there are a handful of sexy things you can totally get away with doing. But it is spectacularly weird and decidedly unsexy when we try the same moves.
Earlier this month, Jennifer Love Hewitt told Lopez Tonight that she once decorated her ladygarden with Swarovski Crystals. Normally, we'd say, "TMI," but after hearing about other celebrities' pubic hair preferences, we're not particularly surprised:
Some might say a lacy teddy or a feather tickler is more of a gift for him than for me—selfish, even. But I love sexy holiday gifts. Not only am I a little greedy when it comes to my lingerie drawer, but I love the reminder that my guy thinks I'm a sex goddess! That said, I get why some guys are afraid to shop for lingerie. The best sexy-gift shopping occurs through interpreting another person's fantasies; the gift should really reflect the way the woman sees herself in bed, not the way the man sees his lady. If she's classy, then don't go klassy. In my mind, I'm burlesque star Dita Von Teese in bed, so I'll be bewildered, to say the least, by a present in the style of Boob Job McGee, Tara Reid.
Some friends are no good for your dating life. How to score with all 24 types of women. What happens when Mr. Perfect is a snoozer in the sack? It's said that women do crazy things for love too. Guys, it appears, have thoughts on ladies' pubic hair. Are you addicted to love? Would you date a bloke with long hair? What's with guys with ponytails? How are cellphones, online porn and mediocre sex related? Sometimes a guy in Louisiana doesn't want to marry interracial couples. Tall dudes get good-looking ladies. We all change when we get into a relationship. And Tina Fey was a late bloomer.
British artist Jamie McCartney is working on a sculpture called "Design a Vagina." Using only volunteers, he is making casts of 200 women's vaginas, and displaying them together in 40 block panels. He wants to show people that where vaginas are concerned, "the variety of shapes is endlessly fascinating, empowering and comforting." This is the story of how, for one of those volunteers, his message really hit home.
For years, I've heard horror stories of the Brazilian bikini wax. Getting down on all fours, raising a leg like a dog peeing on a tree, spreading my butt cheeks to allow a complete stranger to apply hot wax in the most private crevices of my body—these didn't seem like things I needed to rush out and experience (at least not in public) ... Summoning my courage, I decided that it was time to shed light on the truth behind the Brazilian.
The "metrosexual" movement has made for interesting times. The David Beckham school of looking like a man has introduced a number of trends including manscaping. It looks like grooming is moving south of the border (not to Mexico) and the guys are getting smooth like the ladies. It looks like men, these days are more and more interested in being perfectly bare... down there.
Don't tell us your face is more complicated than the entire female body combined. If a woman can run a plastic razor up her leg while balancing on one foot, don't you think she can handle a battery operated Norelco? The female hair removal system revolves around a single blade and a smoldering pot of wax. Where's our flex and pivot technology?
Thanks to today's young starlets, everyone from Tibetan monks to old New Englanders sitting around the cracker barrel knows that it is in vogue for women to wax off all their pubes. But to me, a bald bush on a grown woman is ridiculous and unattractive, a cultural byproduct of an increasingly pornified America. Its implication is disturbing—why is it supposed to be desirable for a woman's privates to look like a prepubescent child's? I don't feel the need to touch girl boobies in public for the edification of any watching spring-breakers, and by the same token I don't feel the need for my birth canal to be as fully on-display as a porn star's.
Sometimes even the coolest dudes need a little manscaping. What do you do when a little back hair turns into a major problem? And what's the best way to remove unwanted hair? Waxing, shaving, laser or dilatory creams? Diddy says that we all got to look our sexiest but what's less sexy, back hair or backne?
Apparently, in this economy the first things to go are standards for personal grooming. Women are having a more difficult time justifying the Brazilian wax and everything's going all screwy. But it doesn't have to be this way. There are options. The naysayers win if we let pubic hair run amok.