Ever fallen for someone hard, when there’s no hope in hell you’ll ever be together? Yup, me too. Hurts like hell doesn’t it? Unrequited love is loving someone wholeheartedly but getting nothing back. For whatever reason, that someone of your dreams is either unavailable or just not into you. Yet I found, caught up in a one-sided love in my early twenties, it was very hard to see the fruitlessness of my feelings. Maybe if I had read a post like this one … who knows?
As soon as your boyfriend showed signs of being more committed or invested in the relationship than you were prepared to be, you should have alerted him to how you were feeling. But it sounds like rather than speak up, you let him continue thinking there was more between you two than there actually was ... to the point of you being repulsed by him.
Without clear dating rules, it's tough to tell when love is real...or one-way.
You know the scenario: you've inadvertently attracted an admirer, but you just don't share his feelings. What to do? In this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother, the gang explained the "bait-and-hook" theory to Ted, which says that everybody has at least one admirer they keep around but don't actually like. Out of reluctance to hurt someone's feelings, we end up sending the message that we can't date that person "right now," even though by "right now," we actually mean "ever." Eventually, though, the person's going to either confront you about his intentions, or, if he's already done so repeatedly, you'll get so annoyed at his efforts that you'll end up being a jerk. Either way, you can't string that person along forever, and oftentimes, avoiding his phone calls or fielding his attempts to hang out just isn't enough to get the point across. Awkward as it sounds, you need to have a little chat. Here are five ways to turn someone down without looking like the bad guy:
The first run of Saved By The Bell only went 5 seasons (plus one season of college and two two-hour movies) but it left us with many, many pop-culture references. And, more importantly, it taught an entire generation of young people about love and relationships.
In the world of competitive pining, it's not an exaggeration to say that I'm a legend. My journey towards greatness began in elementary school, when I nursed a secret crush on the lovely Naomi for five long years, an All Saints School record that remains unbeaten. By the time I got to high school, I was so good at longing lunchroom glances that I was named captain of the varsity unrequited love squad. And I'm sure most of you know all about my Crysman-trophy winning college career. My years as a pro have been marked by great triumphs--the candle I held for a woman with a boyfriend is in the Pining Hall of Fame--but also monumental struggles. To be perfectly honest, it's hard to pine in New York City.
Therese Brochard, an author and blogger who focuses on overcoming depression, recently submitted a piece to Huffington Post titled, 12 Ways To Recover From An Emotional Affair. While Brochard's intention was to help happily married folks get over their crushes, we found the tips would work on just about any unrequited infatuation. After all, we all know the cruel trick our psyche plays once we realize the object of our affection doesn't feel the same way: we just fall harder. So while we're huge proponents of following our heart, here's a crash course in outsmarting the romance novel in your head with our favorite five of Brochard's tips. 1.) Schedule your obsessing. 2.) Replace your crush with something else. 3.) Admit you're lonely. 4.) It's all in your head. 5.) Write it out.