You’re a woman. You KNOW that we men are visual creatures. What does she look like? Woah-dont get whiplash from that head whipping around! Excuse me-my eyes are up HERE! You’ve seen it happen, may be involved in it happening, and may even do some of it yourself (Ryan Gosling, Maxwell…need I say more?).
It was another Saturday night alone for me as a single woman. I sat in my apartment feeling very alone, unworthy, and rejected. I remember lying there on my bed in the fetal position, after a particularly painful breakup (with a man I had hoped was my soulmate) earlier in the day. The problem was, this scene that I’m describing was not an unusual occurrence in my life. I’d had this happen before. Me, sobbing, writing in my journal, and then calling a girlfriend to do a tear-filled, curse-word-filled, post-mortem on the relationship. Can you relate?
If you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places (literally and figuratively) and haven’t found it yet, there may be something going on in your mind that’s blocking Love from coming to you. You see, love is your natural state. It’s your birthright. If you’re wanting it, and it’s not coming to you, you may have a Love Blocking Belief or two or three that’s keeping true love away from you.
As you may know, I’m American. And one thing us Americans tend to value above all else is self-sufficiency and independence (wait, that’s two things... but you know what I mean). I mean, most of us have rebellious pioneers in our DNA and we pride ourselves on being “self-made”- not that there’s really such thing. Nobody is a “self-made” anything... there was a team (even if a team of one other person) of some sort behind the success of one person.
Before you can fall in love with someone else, you need to fall in love with yourself. Only then will you be capable of loving someone else. Your willingness to look deeply and honestly at yourself is the key to unlocking the door to your own heart. The depth of the conversation you have with yourself will determine how deeply you will come to know and love yourself. This is a journey of the self and by the self. No one can do it for you.
Be grateful every day but especially Thanksgiving. I'm grateful for Alex and Aggie and the guys at work. Thanks to them, especially Alex and Aggie (courtesy of POF.com), soulmate love never looked so special. CaughtMyFish.com chronicles the love story of Alex and Aggie who have been a living template for all us singletons to stay the course and keep swimming with the flow towards our own soulmate.
Buried in between all the unhealthy relationships that never turned out the way I wanted them to, in between all those heartbreaking dramatic episodes with guys that could never give me what I was so looking for, there were a few men who were what I now recognize as really healthy, relationship material kind of guys. But at the time I was just not open to seeing them that way; instead I continued to chase the unhealthy romantic fantasies about love that I had in my head.
Just when you think the world is full of love and sunshine and rainbows, yet another study comes along and smacks you in the face to prove otherwise. Turns out that a lot of men don't enter into commitments like marriage out of a genuine bond toward a woman — they seem to do it just because. Let's explore, shall we?
Every now and again you come across a situation in your life that blows your hair back, your skirt up or...just blows. For example: you find out the person you're seriously considering spending the rest of your life with isn't interested in a long-term relationship with you. Or you discover one evening, quite by accident, that your husband prefers blondes...who are hung like a horse.
We live in an age where we have grown accustomed to instant gratification. From instant coffee, to instant fast food, to instant messaging, we have become pros at pressing a button or two and having our every wish fulfilled. By the same token, we usually demonstrate loads of impatience with anything, any one or any process that takes longer than five minutes.
In the years I've been counseling and coaching, many people say, "I know I've been in sick relationships, but I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like." There are many long and complicated answers to this, but there is also a simple one: healthy relationships make your life larger and happier; unhealthy relationships narrow your life and make you crazy.
It might just be the last taboo: admitting you don't find your partner physically attractive anymore. In a culture that worships physical beauty and encourages you to place attraction somewhere near the first spot on a list of non-negotiables when choosing a marriage partner, admitting that you don't always find your partner attractive is considered blasphemous and a valid reason to walk away.
What in the world IS the Love Lifestyle? First of all, it’s living life at 100%…NOW, knowing that life is a precious gift and can be taken away at any moment. It’s turning off the TV, the iPhone and yes, the Internet regularly to connect with yourself… your highest self. It’s disconnecting from messages of mediocrity that are pervasive in this society, that continually condition us all to live a life that’s “normal” and to live within the status quo.
Everyone wants love but not everyone finds it. Interestingly enough, when you love or are in love, you know exactly what it is. Love paints our view of the world and bestows purpose and meaning to life. Somehow, when love is absent or lost, amnesia sets in. It's hard to define love; you ask if it's even real. You are either on a journey toward love or on a journey to defy it.
"I thought we had something real." Jen sobbed. "He was the most romantic man I had ever been with. He was so polite and showered me with gifts and flowers." "I didn't want to sleep with him yet, but he seemed so perfect." Her voice cracked again. "What happened," I asked gently. "He changed completely. He stopped texting first and then before I knew what happened, he started flirting with other girls on Facebook, and now..."
We’ve all heard the saying, “Out with the old and in with the new,” and when it comes to love it couldn’t be more beneficial. There is an exchange of energy that occurs with every person we connect with, and when we are intimate with someone that energetic exchange becomes even deeper. When we hold onto the past, it's as if we have ropes of energy holding us back and keeping us from moving forward toward our desired goal. When we do not release our exes, it's as if we are in a tug-of-war with the past. This is true whether or not we are “carrying a torch” for someone.