Intense passion and loving intimacy can co-exist, but most couples struggle to merge erotic sex with tender love. Women don't want to feel objectified to the absence of caring, and couples get bored if their sex lives are completely devoid of heat. Here are six exercses you can try to merge tenderness and sexual heat.
Why is it that when we're upset, stressed, or scared we instinctively reach for our partner's hand? Or conversely, why is it that we always seem to reach for our partner's hand to comfort them when they're upset? Well a recent study by University of Virginia psychologist, Dr. James Coan, showed that the answer doesn't lie between our fingers, but in our brains. The study involved subjecting 16 happily-married women to stressful situations while monitoring their brain activity. The results showed less activity in the stress-related areas of the women's brains even while holding a stranger's hand, and a whole lot less when they held their hubby's hand.
When a man can't get it up, the experience for him and his partner falls somewhere between awkward and utterly mortifying—I've even heard of men not calling women back because they were so ashamed of their inability to keep it up. So what can a woman say or do when her man can't get an erection? Here are five things you can say to help make the best of the situation. Because men are so sensitive about it, and because it's about as embarrassing a moment as he can experience, it puts the woman in a really tough spot. Of course you just want to say, "Honey, is there something I can do to help?" But in some cases, that's exactly what he doesn't want to hear. He's thinking, "No, I'm just dying from the pressure here, and the last thing I want you to do is even notice, much less try to help!" Even worse is if you say, "Is there something wrong?" or "Are you okay?"—because, yes, there obviously is something wrong (you don't have to remind me!) and, no, I'm clearly not OK, I'm flaccid! So what can a woman say or do when her man can't rev up the engines? Here are a few possibilities, but know that any one of these can backfire too, depending on the circumstances. But, in order of most likely to go over well, here are five ways you can say to help make the best of the situation.
When we're hungry, it's simple—we eat. When we're thirsty, we drink. But what about when you just want to and need to be touched? There are no touch cafés. Touch doesn't come as a gift with purchase at the Lancôme counter. And if you're not in a romantic relationship, how do you fill up your touch tank to full? There are often not enough outlets for affection in platonic relationships. Friends provide emotional support, memorable nights out, advice and adventures, but few friendships are so close that it's comfortable and acceptable for you two to, say, snuggle on the couch together, or hold each other in a longer-than-usual embrace—one long enough to communicate sincerity but short enough not to be awkward. The line becomes especially blurred if you're of compatible sexual orientations, because, oh my god, then it must mean you like each other. But wanting to be touched is a basic human need. (Without it, we're so much more susceptible to depression, stress, anxiety, loss in self-confidence and loss in drive and motivation!) And sadly though not surprisingly, we live in a touch-deprived culture that’s comfortable with touch only if it has sexual meaning, if we're celebrating, if someone is consoling or being consoled, or if it involves raising our kids.
If you have a strong attraction to a person after the first date, should you have sex? Is wanting to have sex after one date bad? In this episode of Still Life Love Advice, YourTango asked resident chili pepper for red-hot reasons why sex after a first date should be avoided – and it’s not what you think!
Jermaine Stewart said it long ago: "We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time." You said it, Jermaine. Touch releases calming hormones; not touching makes you stressed. The solution? A cuddle party. During each three-hour cuddle party workshop participants learn the art of non-sexual consentual touch. That's right. A class on how to hug.
In a study of 10,000 songs, art-meets-science project Fleshmap found that the most crooned-about human body part is the eye. From electronica to R&B, the eyes had it in all genres but three: blues, gospel and hip hop. Hands topped the list for blues and gospel, and what took top mention in hip hop? Drum roll, please: the booty.
Sex is not the only wonderful, wordless way to communicate. Most people reserve touching for only five percent of the body but massage is a great way to create a sense of intimacy with your partner. Author of The New Sensual Massage, Gordon Inkeles, shares some tips.