Learn how to use your high school love lessons as an adult.
Now that school’s out and has become a distant memory, you may be tempted to forget the important lessons you learned while sitting at your desk in math class, such as adding one to one makes two, that all right triangles equal 180 degrees, and, more importantly, how to subtly check out the girl two rows over, who vaguely reminds you of Emma Watson.
Everyone knows that students are not only absorbing what’s written on the chalk board, but also the world around them…and that includes the dating realm.
Do minor conflicts erupt into major fights? Discover how to diffuse anger in relationship conflicts.
Have you ever had an argument with someone - a partner, spouse, close friend, child, parent or other relative, or a business associate - that started small and spiraled into an intense conflict? Have you ever scratched your head, wondering how it got so out of control?
Let's take a look at what feeds the flames of anger and what diffuses it.
Feeding the Flames of Anger
Whether it's you or your partner who's depressed, here's how to protect your relationship.
Depression sucks. Sorry to be so honest, but I'm a therapist and that's my job. When you're depressed, nothing sounds good, your body aches like you have the flu, you feel like the most worthless human being on the planet, and you just can't stop crying. If you are depressed, you might be suffering from some or all of the following symptoms: loneliness, paralyzing fear, racing heart and thoughts, achy body, headaches, stomach aches, insomnia, sleeping all day, annoying your friends and family with your negative view of the world, or being consistently angry with yourself for feeling stuck in a dark hole. Oh, and also being a lousy partner in a relationship.
Whether you're on the giving or the receiving end, shutting down is bad for your relationships.
You are giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they are invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal and withheld response. Your hope in treating them this way is that they will get the message that they have displeased you. They have done something wrong in your eyes and deserve to be punished, deserve to have your "love" taken away.
Effective communication achieves better results than nagging. Plus, you'll both be happier.
Gretchen Rubin, author of the brand new book The Happiness Project, has a suggestion for people who want to make their dating lives happier: Quit nagging!
Being in love is wonderful, yet all too soon these incredible feelings begin to diminish.
When I was 24 years old I fell madly in love. I was madly in love for three weeks, and then spent the next 30 years struggling to regain and maintain that wonderful feeling. In the course of my long marriage and in the many years I've been counseling individuals and couples, I've learned what it takes to keep love alive, and what diminishes the feelings and experience of love.
I’m in an uncomfortable situation. I hope there is another way to handle the problem...
Dear Dr. Doris,
I’m in an uncomfortable situation. I hope there is another way to handle the problem other than personally confronting my date.
I met this woman a couple of weeks ago at a party. Things were great until I asked her out to dinner.
That’s when I experienced the shock of my life. She has absolutely terrible
table manners. She talks with food in her mouth and she’s so animated with her fork and knife that I had visions of having a meal with Edward Scissorhands.
Helene asks Dr. Doris about which is more important in her relationship love or money?
Dear Dr. Doris,
I need your advice. I am in a relationship, almost a year now. The good news? I don't think I've ever felt more loved, adored and appreciated by anyone. The bad news? My boyfriend has no steady income. I'm in my early 50s, divorced and I'm not making much money.
It is “the initial mystery” that is so exciting when you are first starting out with someone new.
It is “the initial mystery” that is exciting when you are first starting out with someone new. It is the lure that keeps your attention & wanting more. Being too available or too accommodating in the initial stages changes that dynamic, which inevitably causes new encounters to fizzle. People need to hold back a little piece of themselves in the beginning & let time take its’ course. Why are we always in such a rush to prove ourselves to the “new” person?
Do you know exactly what you want in a life partner? Ok, I’m not talking tall, dark and handsome...
Do you know exactly what you want in a life partner or soul mate? Ok, I’m not talking tall, dark and handsome…I mean, are you crystal clear on the qualities or values that your partner must have?
Take a moment and imagine receiving ALL those delicious qualities, ALL of them! Feel how wonderful it is to have a relationship like this…it’s Priceless! Go ahead, you are truly accepted, treasured and appreciated for who you are.
Don’t let your relationship fail! Heal the underlying fears that cause relationships to fail.
As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the many years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:
Controlling Behavior
Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.
