My boyfriend made it clear when we began dating that he was into having a semi-monogamous relationship — meaning that emotionally he would only want to commit to one person but physically he would want to have affairs, but he and I would plan and make terms and conditions for these escapades.
My wife and I tried swinging several years ago. It was exciting and fun to plan dates and it brought up surprising aspects of our sexuality. It also brought up some powerful emotions, which we were able to work through, although after some of the couples we were dating dropped us, the experience hit my wife really hard and we stopped not only swinging, but having sex altogether.
I think I am “monogamish”, a new term coined by Dan Savage in The New York Times Magazine several weeks ago (Married, with Infidelities). If you read the NY Times best seller Sex at Dawn which makes the case that we humans are at our core non monogamous creatures – you will know what I mean.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the basic philosophical difference between people who think in terms of “either/or” and those who think in terms of “both/and”. The latter is the (albeit in its most simplistic form) basis of Tantric philosophy. In a non-dual world view such as Tantra, either/or doesn’t usually make sense. Either/or supports a belief that one must choose between two things; as if the world were not infinitely abundant with enough room for “both”.
geeky_romantic and his wife are in an open marriage. But what happens when one spouse falls in love with someone else and learns that they're not as polyamorous as they thought?
I have been working as a Tantrika, or 'Sacred Sexual Healer' for over 5 years now. These blogs are stories of the life events that brought me into this work, as well as my intimate experiences, challenges and joys within the wold of Tantra. Enjoy!
Whatever the case, the blogosphere is now abuzz with conversation about open marriages, which have been around for thousands of years, but have only reentered the spotlight thanks to marriages like Mo'Nique's and TV shows like Big Love. After combing YourTango's archives for first-hand accounts from couples in open marriages, we decided to shed some light on the most common misconceptions about polyamorous marriages:
One guy capitulates to his girlfriend's desire to open up their relationship ... and finds that the emotional turmoil it causes is a little more than he can handle. Is he overreacting, or hung up on an unhealthy relationship?
Even if you believe in and have a wonderful open relationship, they can be stressful and downright frustrating. Here's how it's going for me...
The last time I wrote about monogamy it prompted a lot of great comments, which led to even more questions. The first question is: is long term (20 or more years) monogamy a natural state for humans? The second question becomes this: if it’s not our natural state, what are our options in a society that generally favors monogamy?
