After years of experience, I've got breaking up with guys down to a science. (A once useful skill which, now that I'm happily married, I hope I'll never have to use again!) But breaking up with friends? That's a lot tougher to do.
Author Phil Dotree argues that male-female friendships can be completely platonic and that instead of being jealous, women should support and encourage their boyfriends' female friendships.
You can spend your whole life looking for the man who loves you for who you truly are, knows about your oddest behaviors and still accepts you, or you can pick up your phone and call your best guy friend—because he already is that man. It may be weird to start thinking of him in "that way" but it all comes down to two words: shared history. Need more? Here are ten reasons to help push you over the edge.
A man, at the end of his wits, doubtless, attempted to use Craigslist to find bromance. Essentially, this guy is looking for a straight Will to his clearly non-female Grace. This Miami guy is sick (and, likely, tired) of sniffing after ladies in the vicious, saline and saltwater world of the South Florida mating scene, and getting his feelings crushed. Hence the ad. So is the search for a heterosexual life partner really so unusual?
When we're hungry, it's simple—we eat. When we're thirsty, we drink. But what about when you just want to and need to be touched? There are no touch cafés. Touch doesn't come as a gift with purchase at the Lancôme counter. And if you're not in a romantic relationship, how do you fill up your touch tank to full? There are often not enough outlets for affection in platonic relationships. Friends provide emotional support, memorable nights out, advice and adventures, but few friendships are so close that it's comfortable and acceptable for you two to, say, snuggle on the couch together, or hold each other in a longer-than-usual embrace—one long enough to communicate sincerity but short enough not to be awkward. The line becomes especially blurred if you're of compatible sexual orientations, because, oh my god, then it must mean you like each other. But wanting to be touched is a basic human need. (Without it, we're so much more susceptible to depression, stress, anxiety, loss in self-confidence and loss in drive and motivation!) And sadly though not surprisingly, we live in a touch-deprived culture that’s comfortable with touch only if it has sexual meaning, if we're celebrating, if someone is consoling or being consoled, or if it involves raising our kids.
It's been revealed in the last couple of decades that it is theoretically possible for men and women to be platonic friends. There is a chance, says society, that a grown guy and lady can hang out and not try to have sex with each other (or secretly hope that it might "happen"). Frankly, this is probably on the woman because allegedly the fairer gender decides within a relatively short period of time if she'll ever seriously consider doing a guy (the guy, though, likely holds out hope). Pop culture lends that hope (Pam and Jim, Harry and Sally, et cetera), but I digress.
You know that guy, the one who's not really your boyfriend, but isn't just a friend either? The one you hope will turn into something eventually, but who's dragging his feet when it comes to making a move? If the answer is yes, you're stuck in a fromance, and it's time to get out and move on. Here's how.
Complex loves some big girls. Em & Lo coin the term "google goggles." Some professions cheat more than others. Jill and Kevin (from the "Forever" wedding dance vid) want to help victims of domestic abuse. How to trick a woman into marrying you. A romantic proposal over the telephone? How to set-up Rich Santos on a date. How to put together a post-divorce sleepover and not freak out your family. The case for platonic, male friends. Signs you're dating a loser. And why gold diggers may be a sign of a rebounding economy.
Pleo is this amazingly intuitive robotic dinosaur that made its way into many homes recently; it has sensory receptors and some type of inexplicable (I'm no rocket scientist) manner of impersonating a loving pet/companion minus the unpleasant responsibilities. With the busy, professional playerette's lifestyle these days, who's got time to poop-scoop anyway?
Cathy Hanauer is the editor of The Bitch in the House. Daniel Jones is the editor of The Bastard on the Couch. They have been married for 14 years and together they provide a his and hers take on questions about sex, love, dating and relationships. This round: being friends with the opposite sex. Question: My husband and I are newly married and share most of our friends. But recently I made a male friend who my husband doesn't get along with—in fact, he seems suspicious! What's the best way to cultivate this new friendship on my own? –Arianna, 32
