Excerpted From: Creating Innovators: The Making of Young People Who Will Change the World by Tony Wagner for GalTime
By Jennifer A. Powell-Lunder, Psy.D. for GalTime You have been looking forward to this night for weeks. You take your time primping, savoring every second as you get ready. it is 'date night' with your hubby. You are so looking forward to adult conversation that isn't interrupted every other word by a question, or a pout.
"The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them. They don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are." ~Jim Henson, 1936-1990, Creator of The Muppets Half of good parenting is being there for your children and the other half is being there for yourself. What would you have given as you were growing up to have had parents who role-modeled taking loving care of their feelings, their health, their finances, their environment?
If you are a parent, there comes a time when you decide you want to reach your child for emergencies or changes of plans and you get your child a cell phone. The benefit of instant access to your child feels reassuring and safe and you like being available to your child any time they need reassurance or to say hello. It seems as if all the kids have cell phones at school and your best friends have given their kids a cell phone. This seemingly innocent act does have its benefits, what we all need to understand is that there is a dark side which can affect your children.
Do you ever have an argument or discussion with your partner and think, ‘I have no idea what to say right now’ or ‘I’m so mad that I can’t even hear you’? This post is meant to help guide you through a difficult conversation and manage feelings between you and your loved ones. I will use the word “partner” because communication between couples can be particularly difficult, but it could apply to a family member, a colleague, or a friend. Step 1: Put yourself on hold, temporarily
When I was growing up there was rarely an overweight child. Occasionally someone would be plump, but I can't remember anyone in my class being fat. However, TV wasn't around until I was eight years old, and the streets were a safe place to play. We had plenty of P.E. in school and we played hard after school. Even as we grew older and had more homework, physical activity was a major part of our lives. And there wasn't so much junk food around yet.
When parents think about discipline, all too often they equate discipline with punishment. Whoa … not so fast! 'What's wrong with punishment?' you may wonder. Well, punishment is costly. It results in kids feeling badly, both about themselves and about you. And is it effective? Not very.
As if deciding to get divorced isn't tough enough, when you have kids, you have to find just the right way to tell them about it. But, what's the best way to break your children's heart? How do you tell them that mommy and daddy won't be living together any longer?
As a parent, it is vitally important that you have a sense of passion and purpose in your life, separate from your children. And, it is essential that you learn to define your own sense of worth, rather than making your children's behavior responsible for this. It is too big a burden for children to be the center of your life.
"Your dad is gay!" my friend spat out one day when we were in a fight. It was as if she were accusing me of something horrible. I was nine at the time. That night, I confronted my mother. "Heather said Dad is gay. He's not, right?" She paused—a long pause—that confirmed my worst fear. I felt betrayed. "How could my dad do this to me? And more importantly, what was I going to tell my friends?"
When my daughter was born, I was determined to be a breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, cloth diapering, hippie mama. Nine months later, the only thing that'd stuck was the cloth diapers. I had just started my daughter on formula, she had been in the sling exactly five times and never once slept in her fancy little co-sleeper, which I returned to the store. And yes, I felt like a failure.
Every daughter needs a male role model, even if he is a stand-in father. How daughters relate to males is based on what they observe and experience with their own fathers or father stand-ins. Let's take a look at fathers and celebrate how a father's love protects his daughter. Since father's are doers, let's also celebrate what they do.
Power struggles over homework plague many families. Parents worry, wanting their children to do well. Believing that encouragement, praise, explanations, setting limits, and even threats, anger and punishment are well-meaning, deserved, necessary and loving, parents often interact with their children in ways that lead to the very problems they want to avoid.
Your teen leaves his dirty clothes all over the house. Instead of getting into another fight with him or nagging him to pick them up, you do it for him. It’s easier, right? Your daughter with ADD is having problems completing her science project. She can’t seem to focus and complains that it’s boring and too difficult. After she goes to sleep, you finish it for her. After all, you don’t want her to fail.