Knowing that you deserve better can help you get over a bad breakup.
Today I found out the truth about something I already suspected. I learned that my ex, who I spent nearly five years with and almost married, lied to me, multiple times to my face, about having an inappropriate relationship with a female coworker. During the initial part of our break, which lasted exactly three months from mid-September to mid-December of 2008, I was under the impression that my ex had our eventual reunion in mind, after he worked through various issues with the help of a therapist. That he hoped, in the end, that we would get back together. He didn't know if that was where we would end up, but that's what he told me he hoped. And I believed him.
Does getting your own place guarantee happiness? One woman finds out.
"It's a little strange here," I wrote in my journal on the first night alone in my new apartment. It was a small concession, wedged between a list of to-do's ("paint my walls," "need lamps…better linen…a new comforter") and things done ("unpacked," "straightened up my files"). The overall sentiment about my new world order? "It is a fairly good feeling."
Time to talk divorce? Make the conversation as painless as possible.
Ending your marriage isn't easy. So when you approach your spouse do so with honesty and integrity. Don't place blame, acknowledge your role in the breakdown of the marriage and be clear. Often, a spouse can be so overwhelmed by the news that they fail to process what is actually happening. So listen to your spouse. Empathize with them so they are not on the defensive. Also, it is okay to recognize your feelings of sadness and shame, but stay clear and firm on your decision to end your marriage. It also helps to consult with a lawyer before you speak with your spouse and if you feel like your spouse might react in a violent or negative manner, have the conversation in a public place.
Ready to split but cash-strapped, some couples are finding divorce too expensive.
As the economy slows the cost of a divorce increases. Job loss. Mortgage defaults. Slowing housing market. They all factor in when going through a divorce. Is divorce becoming a luxury? With the high price tag on divorce, some couples have gone to the extreme. Many couples continue living together until they can afford a divorce. Some couples even reconcile because they simply cannot afford the cost of a divorce. One attorney recalls a client who moved into the computer server room in his office because he couldn't afford a new place. Many couples today are legally separating until they iron out their financial issues and settle debts.
Gail Sheehy discusses her marriage to Clay Felker, the first editor of "New York" magazine.
Gail Sheehy discusses her relationship with Clay Felker, the renowned first editor of New York magazine. "This year we will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, a milestone that amazes friends who had to play Rolodex tag with each of us during the 17 years of our turbulent premarital relationship. We were in diametrically opposing stages of life: Clay led a glamorous existence as the editor of New York magazine and the Village Voice, and had to be on the town night after night courting his first love—New York. I was a struggling freelance writer and divorced single mom who wanted to read bedtime stories to my young daughter. I would move into his imposing apartment, try it for a year, move out. I remember feeling as tiny as an envelope slipped under his door marked 'addressee unknown.'"
