How often would you say you think about sex? For me, depending on what's going on in my day, it can range anywhere from five to 10 times. Okay, on really slow days, maybe 15 tops. I think. Sometimes it's more... It turns out that, despite common stereotypes, men don't think about sex all the time — just a lot.
Amazing orgies every Saturday night? Giant hour-long orgasms? They may make for fun fantasies, but that’s not what most people want from sex. After thirty-one years as a sex therapist, I know that most people want sex to be easier. Less frustrating. They want to feel less self-conscious and less isolated.
We all have a list of attractive celebs with whom we'd love to hit the sheets. These lists illustrate perfection in our eyes, the ones who, if we could have tailor-made mates, we would create to fulfill our wildest desires. But, that is not how the real world works. We like to fantasize about famous men falling for us regular women just as we are, but we know they won't. The celebrity male, such as Matt Damon or Kenny Chesney, who falls for one of the normal girls is rare, and even then, we question the likelihood of such a relationship lasting. I admit that, much as I would love to have a shot at my Hollywood dream men, they are not available for me. I have to be more realistic, even in my fantasies.
My wife and I tried swinging several years ago. It was exciting and fun to plan dates and it brought up surprising aspects of our sexuality. It also brought up some powerful emotions, which we were able to work through, although after some of the couples we were dating dropped us, the experience hit my wife really hard and we stopped not only swinging, but having sex altogether.
This particular Orange County church was jam-packed every Sunday with twentysomething women who were young and tan and often sporting hip-hugger jeans. As all who wear them know, hip-hugger jeans can often result in precarious situations whereby a woman's unmentionables (i.e. thong underwear) have a tendency to creep out above the back waste line whenever she sits down. These unlawful appearances happened rather frequently during church services, and they did not go unnoticed by the young, twentysomething men who attended each week.
A funny thing happens when you've been with the same person for a really long time. Even if you still like them a lot, you may find that you're just not that into having sex with them… or so you think. Your libido may be waning, or there may be too many other details on your mind between work and managing the home... or kids clamoring for attention... there are plenty of excuses not to have sex.
Three years ago, when I first started dating after divorce, I felt like I’d arrived on another planet. Not just cause I had no idea how to date again, but because it quickly became apparent that a new ‘phenomena’ had come to town since I’d last visited: Young Men Were Seeking Older Women. And oh yeah - their holsters were full! Dating, Sex and the Older Woman
Here are 10 tips on how to be a great, memorable lover who will be appreciated, desired, admired, wanted, needed and loved. Just follow these steps and you’ll go down in history as one of the world’s greatest lover.
"She was cute and he thought about our 'night off' talk, and he made a date to have coffee with her a couple days later. They had coffee. Oh boy, did they have coffee. After coffee they went back to her pad and 'talked' a little bit—a casual conversation which led to casual kissing which led to casual sex... And that, David told me, head in hands, was it. His one night off. Now he felt bad. Really bad."
How much trouble would your fantasy get you into?
Sexual fantasies are something we rarely discuss, even among good friends. Our deepest sexual thoughts are often considered too weird, perverse, or just plain wrong to be shared amongst polite company; fantasizing might indicate there is something wrong with our relationships, or worse, ourselves. But research indicates that having sexual fantasies is an absolutely normal, if not necessary, part of being a sexual being. It's not having them that is aberrant.
