You are in a state.

"Pangs of love," you say as you roll over on the couch, pantomiming stab motions to the heart. Your roommate looks bemused. It's the third or fourth date, and you've been struggling to hold off sending those late-night, inappropriate text messages. "Head. Heels. You. Me." (send—no wait, delete.) New Relationship Rules: Texting & IMing

Instead, you're on your knees, head in hands, summoning the forces of the universe to carry your love-cry out to the one you desire. Does he hear? Maybe. Will it be returned? The silence of everything that has not been … Read More

We hear about relationships torn apart by internet porn addiction, but where are the support groups for smut-loving women like me, who suddenly and inexplicably get turned off by porn when they fall in love?  Before I met my boyfriend, I was visiting youporn.com about a half an hour a day, hunting through dozens of clips to find the one most perfectly calibrated to turn me on. 

After I met my boyfriend, my visits to the site dropped off in equal proportion to how much I was getting off with a flesh-and-blood human being.

But my loss of appetite for porn … Read More

I was in his office, rug burn forming on my knees as he slid me back and forth on top of him. I could see photos of his wife smiling and laughing on the bookshelf and his desk. I'd thought about escaping when I first saw them that evening. Instead, I stayed, feeling nauseous about the person I'd become. He's just too charming, his presence too intense for me to resist. To be honest, my willpower is nothing to brag about. And it doesn't help that I'm falling in love.

We met at my first business conference when I was 23 … Read More

As I see it, there should be no discussion of a relationship, or exclusivity, within the first three months of dating. Those three months should be a drama and ultimatum-free zone. No jealousy or commitment. Just a period of savoring; the gritty, totally worth it hard work can come later. Save it, potentially, for the rest of your life.

If something works between two people, then there is no rush. That "click" will still be there in three months, and hopefully six, and a year, etc. And once you find that unlucky slob who will Eskimo kiss you … Read More

Love Bytes: three must-click love and relationship links.

What do you do when your ex calls you... on Valentine's Day? [DearSugar]

Failed proposal: is this for real? If so, this video is very sad. [BuzzFeed]

Your inspiration for the day: a 68-year-old woman writes about how she fell in love at 66. It's never too late! [Mail Online]

It was all exactly as I remembered the last time I'd fallen in love, and that was with my husband of 30-odd years. Someone needs to do some of that clever brain-scanning research to discover why love does the same things … Read More

Tales of a 36-Year-Old Virgin is a series of incredibly moving posts on BlogHer by a woman calling herself Always Beginning the World (click that link to see all five installments).

ABW describes how, during her first OBGYN exam, the doctor told her that her vagina was "unusually small." So little, in fact, that she couldn't have sex, use tampons or even receive a pap smear. ABW went through life "isolated on my own little island, in an icy ocean called celibacy."

More than twenty years later ABW found out that the doctors she consulted as … Read More

Perhaps the last person you'd go to for relationship advice is an economist; statistics, market analysis, applied mathematics, none of these skills scream out "love guru." Nonetheless Ben Stein, economist, lawyer, actor and writer has a charming piece in the New York Times in which he applies economic concepts to love and comes up with some clever guidelines.

Stein's thesis in a nutshell: find a quality person to love; make sure you know what you're getting into; once you're sure, love that person well and … Read More

It was New Year's eve and John and I were fighting again as we drive back to New York City. But distressing as the situation was, I was already beginning to see the humor: our kids would be dropouts at  age four! John, however, did not. After a half hour of recriminations, we both descended into silence. A great way to begin the new year, I thought bitterly. And, as always happened after these marital tsunamis, I began thinking: What would my life be like if I'd married the other one?

* * * * *

Benjamin was … Read More

On a sultry night in late July, a friend offered to introduce me to a guy she thought I'd like. "He's tall, smart, and funny," she'd said, and as an afterthought, "oh, and a little depressed. He's just out of a bad marriage."

"No thanks," I told her. "The last thing I need in my life is a depressed person."

She persisted, and so I met this man in a friend's living room. We spoke easily to one another about Life magazine, and Walter Hudson, the 1400-pound man who was too big to get out of his house. She … Read More

In the summer of 1978, my mother accidentally flooded her boss's apartment, and got sued. It's a long story. The important part is that the young lawyer/aspiring rock star she hired to represent her later became her husband—my father. They settled the case out of court within a week. Afterward, she invited him to dinner, ostensibly as a thank you, but really because she had decided that he was The One the instant she stepped into his cluttered office and saw his wide smile and thick black curls.

According to my father, Read More