Go ahead and think those "dirty" thoughts. It's healthy.
One of the quickest and most assured routes to sexual arousal is through fantasy. We use our imaginative capacity all the time during our waking lives as we envision all the possible futures that our daily life could result in; or even in the most negative of circumstances when we allow ourselves to ruminate and over-think bad outcomes for our relationships and aspirations. Yet when it comes to the mysterious sexual fantasy life that lives somewhere in all of us we often keep the door locked.
You may have wondered why I often recommend rekindling the passion in your relationship. Maybe you think you can’t even stand being in the same room as your partner, never mind letting him have sex with you!
There’s an interesting phenomenon that occurs when you allow eroticism back into a stalled relationship. It’s based on the principle “act as if.” It shows up repeatedly and I have never seen a couple with whom it has not worked.
One of the biggest complaints I get from women (and men) in long term relationships is that the sex has become either stale or non-existent. There are lots of reasons for this: busy lives, children, work related travel, and the fact that the more intimately you know someone, the harder you have to work to maintain an erotic edge.
I thought I’d give some tips to spicing up your sex life in a few easy steps.
I just finished reading Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, Ph.D. A brilliant book, full of so many insights I could probably write about it for months. The essence of his work is about finding and holding onto yourself while you’re still in the committed relationship, allowing your partner to do the same, and using sex as the crucible in which you each learn how to love yourselves more deeply.
Foreplay is intended to bring a couple closer together. It is intended to get us “in the mood,” to create the intimacy necessary to feel really good during intercourse. Ideally, foreplay ends when you’re both so hot and bothered that if you don’t move forward, you’ll explode.
Is that how you experience it?
What role does jealousy play in relationships? When someone expresses jealousy in public, it tells me they are deeply insecure. They don’t trust their partner, and they don’t have high self-esteem. It also tells me they don’t have an identity for themselves outside of the relationship.
Relationship expert Esther Perel tells you how to keep your marriage sexy.
Part 2 of our video series with Esther Perel, couples therapist and author of "Mating in Captivity," which helps couples reconcile the domestic and the erotic.
