Here are my top 10 anti-love/anti-Valentine's Day songs of the moment.
Thanksgiving can really suck when you're single. I should know, I've flown solo to six consecutive turkey dinners. A few years ago, when I thought I was going to have my first coupled-up T-day in ages, I got dumped out-of-the-blue two days before.
If there is ever any good reason to spend $782 on yourself all at once, a heart-shattering breakup tops the list. You were wronged! You deserve to do something nice for yourself. But really, are we so materialistic a society that doing something nice has to entail spending a ton of money?
Heartache is like being burned with a red-hot poker... Yeah. You only think we're spewing metaphorical lingo. According to the Los Angeles Times, a new study has found that our brains don't differentiate between physical pain, like that of injury or disease, and pangs of the heart, like the ones we experience after getting dumped. So, basically, we physically ache for our lost loves.
Ladies, if you were recently broken up with, congratulations: you just got more attractive. New findings published by the University of Michigan say that men prefer women who were dumped by their last boyfriends, while women prefer men who initiated their last breakup. To study how past relationships affected future efforts, researchers gauged the responses of 198 heterosexual participants to fake online dating ads. Participants were asked to rate the ads based on shallow information, and then upon learning how that person's last relationship ended. Researchers also asked subjects to note whether they wanted a long-term relationship with the person, or whether they just wanted sex. For men, the woman's relationship history mattered only when he wanted a serious relationship with her. When it came to trysts, he didn't care who did the dumping as long as she were willing to move on with him.
Life does not end with rejection at a bar, a note left on a pillow, or coming home from work to an empty apartment. Combining a few bits of advice from friends and my own life experiences, I think I am able to provide a dependable resource you can refer to the next time a man or woman decides you and your genitals are inadequate.
In relationships, we often blend our identities with our partner's, and after a breakup, we feel lost. "Across three different studies we found that when a relationship ends, people think their self has changed. They change their hair, their friends, and their goals for the future," says study author Erica B. Slotter, M.A. While a drop-dead gorgeous new 'do can make you feel better, all this change can be rattling. "Being less sure of who people are contributes to the emotional stress that happens when a breakup occurs," says Slotter. So, how can you start reclaiming your self after a split? Read on.
The not knowing and the waiting for the next phone call are always worse than just hearing the truth: that he started seeing someone else, that he got back together with his ex, that—pardon the cliché—he just wasn't that into you. Do I expect a guy who isn't interested after one drinks-date to tell me that he doesn't see a future together? Of course not—he'd sound so presumptuous. And trust me, I've pulled the disappearing act many a time. But past the get-to-know-you point, don't we deserve to know where things went awry? I say yes. But because it's easier not to address these topics, I've never gotten a straight explanation—at least without prompting—until now. Truthfully, I hadn't been 100 percent sold on this guy, but I was having fun for the time being and, frankly, there was no reason not to keep seeing him. We liked the same bar band and, as it turns out, had been at the same concert years ago. He suggested one of my favorite restaurants for our second date but was cool with just watching "The Office" on our fourth. (That he felt it appropriate to make out with me in the middle of "The Office" was slightly less promising.) And when he woke up at my apartment and suggested that, rather than going downstairs, we just order bagels and coffee and catch up on TV, it felt like he had read my mind: That is exactly how I want to spend a slightly hung-over Saturday morning. Basically, we seemed to have a fair amount in common, and he seemed like a good guy. (Plus, he was tall.) I was trying not to dismiss the relationship too quickly, as I'm prone to do, and, instead, listening to my mom's advice, was hoping sparks would develop. That's when I found he had come to the same conclusion I had—and decided not to drag it out.
Let me tell you, hot stuff, getting dumped is truly a win-win situation. Sure, most people think the dumper has it easy, but they've got it all wrong! In actuality the dumper has to be the bad guy, because they can't admit to feeling sad since it's their fault and they have to agonize over their decision, plan it out, and bear the brunt of the guilt. Yikes! As if those weren't enough, here are nine more reasons it's better to be the dumpee.
So, you got dumped. It happens to the best of us. We want to help you break the cycle of Sara Lee and "Hoarders" reruns, so we've come up with a list of (gasp!) books to occupy your time and keep your mind off the man that got away better than any Kate Hudson movie ever could.
If there's one thing that redeems the whole terrible process of breaking up with someone, it's the potentially fun recovery period afterward. Don't get us wrong: Breakups are a sad, sorry business, and even the cleanest ones entail some kind of annoying consequence or follow-up, like adjusting to an empty bed or having to return that awesome space heater he left at your apartment. The key to making the most of your breakup is engaging in life-affirming activities: little things that will empower you start over and set out into the great unknown (singlehood - eek!) with courage and resilience. Resist binge-drinking, rebound guys or ex sex, and consider these fun post-breakup activities instead:
The end is rarely easy. And, God, can it be awkward. Personally, I don't apply specifics for each gender on how to end a thing (a "thing" being anything that lasts a couple months or seven dates, give or take; ending a "relationship" is a whole other bag of misery). When it comes to the end, whether you're a man dumping a woman, a woman dumping a man, or a gay dude dumping a gay dude, you want it to be as humane as possible. But which method of ending a "thing" is most humane? Let's have a look, from least to most kind.