Many divorcing couples are under the illusion they had a real marriage. I propose this is false.
How can you end a marriage that never was.
Published June 11, 2010 | By Bruce Derman
How can you end a marriage that never was.
BY Bruce Derman, Ph.D.
When looking at divorce, we tend to make several assumptions. We assume that the relationship in question didn’t work out for various reasons. Frequently, we see one more at fault that the other. In addition, we may all agree that the relationship needs to be dissolved as quickly as possible and the two partners need to move on to a new life.
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT looks at how texting can serve as an effective "relationship check-in."
If you're like many other couples, texting has become a daily form of communication. You might even forgo talking on the phone - in lieu of texting. As a couples therapist, I've seen texting in relationships go awry more than a few times but I'm convinced it can be a productive and in fact loving way to stay in touch. In fact, if you know what you're doing, texting can often serve as a "relationship check-in" with your partner -&nbs
Discussing attraction in a relationship is difficult, but experts say there is a right way to do it.
Ask any civilized man, and he'll tell you that when a woman asks, "Do I look fat in this?" there's only one answer: "No!" For extra points, he can add something incredulously supportive, like, "You? Never!" or, "Are you kidding me?" But what if the answer is "yes," and what if that "yes" is affecting your relationship?
Whether you’re a man or woman on the giving or receiving end, it’s a conversation no one wants to have. Most people are familiar with the concept of “letting yourself go” in a long-term relationship, and most would agree that it’s not a good thing. Yet the idea of criticizing a partner’s physical appearance is a touchy subject.
There are sharp differences between how men and women view "quality time."
According to the 22,000 people who took the Power of Attraction survey, men and women have pretty similar view on how to reignite attraction in a relationship. Both genders say talking about the relationship and going on a date are the top methods or rekindling the spark. But as we continued to analyze the results, we found that there were some significant differences in what guys and gals thought would turn up the heat.
“I can’t imagine ever being like that with you,” John said. He meant it... for the first few months. The new couple went to concerts, museums and took long walks around the city. But less than a year into the relationship, a familiar pattern emerged.
“Our relationship had become the dreaded ‘dinner and sex,’” says Amy. “Well, no. Dinner and watching a mind-numbing amount of TV and sex.” And fighting about how they “never did anything anymore.”
So what happened? Was John growing boring, because he was already bored?
Why the scary truth is your best bet for emotional safety
I've been hearing alot these days in my practice about lies. From seemingly small "it won't hurt anyone" fibs to large-scale whoppers, my clients' lives are being shaken - and sometimes levelled - by lies and deceit.
I understand it on an intellectual level: a lie is a margin, a step away from the edge. Or, a lie can be a disguise, a mask, a perceived protection from pain and anxiety. But, as I tell my clients, a lie always makes it worse - no matter what "it" is.
It's not really about what you think it is! Learn what's really underneath it all.
Pssst. I have a secret. This little nugget of insight just might force a whole paradigm shift in how you view your relationship. It just might change everything - for the better.
The arguments you have with your partner aren't really about what you think they are.
Really.
Change your actions for the next 40 days--or maybe permanently--to improve your relationship.
Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the 40-day period of Lent. Even if you're not a Christian, the idea behind the season is interesting. It's a time of giving up vice and substituting more positive behavior in its place. Where better to try this out than in our relationships? Every couple has their own unique blend of struggles, but here are some tips for curbing bad habits—in action and communication—and taking a better, more positive approach. This trial only lasts 40 days, but who knows? You might want to keep practicing permanently.
This is a topic close to my heart, as I am married to a techie geek. I'm not insulting him - he would probably take it as a compliment, actually. And well he should. Were it not for my husband's tech prowess, I'd still be rolling paper into our old dot-matrix printer and trying to figure out the fax machine. He has succeeded in dragging his at-times technophobic wife into the 21st century, and truly, it needed to happen. This is a wave - a tsunami - that unless we get on top of, we will find ourselves drowned by.
Learn how expressing your anger actually increases closeness in your relationship.
Many of the women I work with tell me that they have trouble expressing their anger with their partner. Either they blow up and lose control, or they hold back and never say what they really feel. In both instances, a woman is not being authentic when she does not express her true feelings. And men feel safer loving women who feel authentic. It may not be something he can even put words to, but he just knows when she is being who she really is.
Creating a happy family involves maintaining a happy marriage. Here are six tips to follow.
Much of how we do family is learned and passed down through the generations. Each generation either adopts what their family did, or goes to the other extreme vowing to do family vastly different than the previous generation. Either way, your past influences your present. And your present will influence your kids future. Creating a happy family involves maintaining a happy marriage. Here are six tips to follow.
How great would it be to pass along a simple, loving, passionate, adventurous marriage to your future generations? It can be done, and it's easier than you think.
You may not think multitasking affects your relationship negatively (after all, if your boyfriend doesn't hop out of bed to water his Farmville crops after sex, what's there to fuss about?) But it's likely that the do-everything-at-once attitude so pervasive in today's culture is affecting your relationship more than you think.
