In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy." In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "active listen," which means to reflect back to the speaker the feelings and information they are trying to convey.
Client: My partner never lets me explain anything to him. It's so frustrating! He makes these statements that are blaming and attacking and then he won't listen to me when I'm trying to explain.
Rianna and Joel consulted with me because they kept getting stuck in their relationship whenever there was a conflict. It wasn't the issue itself that kept creating a problem, but how they were dealing with the issue.
Have you ever had an argument with someone - a partner, spouse, close friend, child, parent or other relative, or a business associate - that started small and spiraled into an intense conflict? Have you ever scratched your head, wondering how it got so out of control? Let's take a look at what feeds the flames of anger and what diffuses it. Feeding the Flames of Anger
"He's not here for me," complained Hailey. "We don't spend enough time together." "She's too needy. I need space," complained her husband, Ryan. "He just does whatever he wants to do, with no concern for me," countered Hailey. "She's so demanding that I just don't feel like being with her lot. I wish she'd just back off. I need time with my friends."
Discover why sometimes it is easy to resolve relationship conflicts and other times it seems impossible.
Are you yearning for someone to love? Or are you in love and want to be sure it will last and grow deeper and richer with time? These are wonderful goals—and so few people achieve them! You can be one of these lucky ones if you don’t fall into the hidden traps that make loving so difficult. For that you need to bring your understanding and practice of love to an entirely new level.
THE TRUTH ABOUT CONFLICT Conflict is inevitable. All couples have conflict. But it’s how you handle that conflict that defines the quality of your relationship. The decision to use conflict creatively to enhance your relationship and bring you closer is a conscious choice. Disagreements are a viable and healthy part of relationships.
I’m seeing an epidemic of “porn addiction” in my office. Not of porn addiction, but of “porn addiction.” Here’s how it looks: Wife/girlfriend somehow assumes that husband/boyfriend does NOT watch porn (guess that’s what she means by “he’s one in a million”). One day, his porn watching comes to her attention (he leaves something on the screen, she searches his website history, he gets an email or bill from some friendly porn site, etc.). She freaks.
Not surprisingly, sleepless nights, diaper duty and the drain on finances takes a toll on young couples whose greatest stressor, up until that point, was what movie to rent on a Saturday night. In fact, the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle reports that two-thirds of couples experience a decline in their relationship after the birth of their first child. Women start feeling dissatisfied right away, while men experience these feelings gradually.
A recent survey indicated that two thirds of all divorces are initiated by the woman. This would suggest that women are prone to discontentedness more than their male counterparts. Right? Actually wrong. It’s a testament to the frustration of a much more common problem.
