With the divorce rate being what it is these days, marriage definitely isn't something to take lightly. After all, most of us aren't anything like a certain reality star whose reputation is currently at major risk for her speedy marital shenanigans. Most of us want to be completely sure we're compatible with our potential life partner before zipping down the aisle.
Can you remember what was going on in your life from birth to about six years old? Probably not, but rest assured you were doing something that affects you deeply to this very day: forming your attachment style. We form our attachment styles early based on the availability and responsiveness of our parents. When we're young, if our needs are met in a warm, loving, stable environment, then we have a better chance of growing into adults who can attach to others in healthy ways. If our need for support and reassurance was not met, it can lead to problems attaching to others and forging healthy relationships later in life.
Author and researcher Sheril Kirshenbaum says there's a science behind K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
According to the matching hypothesis, each of us walks around with an idea of how socially desirable we are, and we tend to look for partners who are similar to us in desirability. The idea is that if we pursue someone similar to us, we have a better chance at a good outcome. However, according to recent research, the matching hypothesis may not be entirely supported.
When my husband of almost four years asked me if I thought we should divorce, I opened my laptop, pulled up my GQueues account and drew up a to-do list. I titled it My Crumbling Marriage, and tried to get to the bottom of things. Did we still love each other? Did we still want the same things? Why were we so unhappy lately?
Forget chemistry, similar values, having the same favorite movies or any of the usual signs we look for to see if a date may blossom into something long-term. What if the key to compatibility is in our words, or, more specifically, the words between our words?
I am in my late twenties, but I don’t really look like I am. On average, people will guess that I’m about seven years younger—and yes, I am fully aware that when I turn forty, I will appreciate this and recognize that it’s a good thing. At the moment, however, it can be frustrating. When it comes to dating, the men I meet often assume that I’m younger as well, which means that the ones who take an interest in me stay around the same age, while I get older, year after year. I’m still in the process of deciding how I feel about that.
The face gives us vital clues about the strengths and challenges that may be experienced within a relationship. Knowing more about each other prior to moving in together, gives couples a "heads up" about what to expect. For example: If you have wide set eyes and your partner has close set eyes, this could be an issue. You may see your close set eyed partner as being overly sensitive and very intense. Whereas you are more laid back and wondering why your partner is getting so upset. What was not an issue prior to moving in together could now become very annoying.
Let me paint you a picture. . . You sit on the lumpy lounge chair at the coffee shop, sipping your cappuccino while trying to look occupied reading today's local newspaper, your eyes periodically shifting to the front door of the shop, hoping to catch a quick glance of the man you'll be meeting for the first time. You've had a million first dates, it seems, but the nervous anticipation and excitement always seems to show itself through your sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat. What will this meeting be like? Could he be "The One?"
Would you rely on "heart-synching" to find your soul mate? Ramesh Rao, a professor of electrical and computer engineering at the University of California, seems to think you should. Rao is the leading researcher in heart-synching and finds it to be an accurate measure of how much two people are connecting on a physical and emotional level.
Do you really need to have the same interests to make a marriage work? We don't and, at the end of the day, we come to the dinner table with lots to talk about and lots to share.
