If a woman's sexual fantasies involve degradation, domination—rape, even—is she anti-feminist, disturbed or worse? When does sex become "dirty," and does writing erotic fiction involving humiliation mean the author is a sex-crazed, pain-loving looney? From Best Sex Writing 2009 (Cleis Press, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel), Kristina Lloyd's essay "The Pleasure of Unpleasure" explores the delicate relationship between fantasy and reality, the risk of bringing private thoughts public and gives a glimpse into the life of an erotica writer.

All writers get bad reviews. If you write erotica, your sexuality gets reviewed as well. Trust … Read More

Before I get into it, I know that an all-links post is relatively lazy, but some of my fellow relationships writers really knocked it out of the park the last few days. And there is some news out there that is too important to miss and too trivial to get its own column. First of all, ladies hold onto your underpants because according to Asylum, the Axe Effect is real (it's the male orgasm that’s the myth). The men's body spray evidently makes men more confident / sexy rather than having some pheromone power. Feel free trade in … Read More

It's nearly midnight and I'm deep into my daily routine of sitting on the couch opposite of Sanjay, crunching through emails and trying to complete the last lingering tasks of the day. We're watching a Simply Red dvd. I'm feeling extra cheerful because I just ordered Sanjay's Christmas present (hint: it involves Simply Red, shhhh). And happy that I'm no longer hung over.

I can't complain – I drink so rarely that every now and then feeling over-served is a friendly reminder of the fun that preceded it. YourTango's Christmas party was at our apt last night. I drank … Read More

My friend Gloria flirts with everyone—even her cat. Seriously. Almost every time I see her she's cozying up to someone new, even though she isn't a perpetual dater and doesn't sleep around. At my birthday dinner a few weeks ago, she asked my friend Sira if he wanted to lick some buttercream frosting off her chest. He busted out his cell phone and said, "Have you seen my boyfriend?" But it didn't matter to her that he's gay; she was flirting for the sake of flirting.

Another time, we were at a party, and all night long she was huddled … Read More

2006 was a year of unprotected sex for me. No, not every time, but I started off the year with a fling with a slightly older man I was besotted with, who didn’t speak a word about condoms, and, in response, I didn’t either. I wanted to trust that he had some magical knowledge that somehow I was missing, that maybe the world had overturned itself and they were no longer necessary. I was wrong, and after a pregnancy panic as I searched for Plan B—this was right before it was so readily available—I escaped unscathed. Then later that … Read More

Right now, I'm in the most serious relationship I've ever been in; as in, even though I live in New York and he lives in San Francisco, we've talked about where and when we could live together—and how soon. He's met my uncle; I've gone to his family's cabin, and I'm joining them for Thanksgiving. His mom sends me emails, and my grandmother sends me clippings urging him to stop smoking. We talk almost every night and end most calls with "I love you."

There are days when I think we are meant to spend the rest of our lives … Read More

Friend-of-YourTango Rachel Kramer Bussel is on one of our favorite blogs, TheFrisky, giving an interview about.....drumroll, please!......Sarah Palin erotica.

We've already established some people think Palin is hot.  (Others are driven wild by her First Dude!)  An enterprising Bussel, an erotica writer and former sex columnist for The Village Voice, started the web site, Sarah Palin Erotica, to quench that polar bear-sized thirst.

Here's Bussel's response on why people are so hot for the Alaskan governor:

I think first it was because of her looks, but almost immediately her story, wild … Read More

Maybe today's election will provide a bounce for the slow economy. If not, our homies Em & Lo have a suggestion: recycling sex. It's easier and more time-saving to just hook up with an ex instead of going to all the pain of finding someone new, from New York Magazine.

Cripes and dammit. Our bestest homies over at The Frisky have reported some awful, awful news about the pill. Though it varies by which pill you're taking (mostly progesterone vs. estrogen + progesterone), there are some heretofore unknown issues with birth control pills (unknown to us, at least).

Whenever Abby traveled, she bought books. It was somehow more exciting to discover an interesting book when she was far from home, even the same exact book she might find in a bookstore in her own town.