Sex Educators 'The Pleasure Mechanics' answer the questions: when it is safe to consider swinging - and when it is a recipe for marital meltdown?
Every relationship has its own set of peaks and valleys which can have an impact on both of the people involved. After a while it is not uncommon for a relationship to start feeling monotonous with a limited cycle of predictable moments. After a while, strong emotions and the initial feelings of excitement start to recede and the monotony of everyday life creeps in. Any couple that has experienced this phase will tell you that it is not easy to overcome. It may very well be the deciding point of every relationship.
Just the title of this book - Swinging in America by authors Bergstrand and Sinski will cause much discomfort for many who assume they know what swingers do. What struck me when I first started reading the book was who the authors were and who they were not. They claimed to be the first authors that were not in the ‘lifestyle’ and married, but not to each other and represented a totally different and unbiased perspective.
The good news keeps rolling in for those concerned about infidelity. We recently reported that the rate of divorce due to cheating has decreased, which is great news for those who have tied the knot. Now we've got great news for an even broader spectrum of lovers—overall, all couples are being more monogamous than they were in the 70s.
My wife and I tried swinging several years ago. It was exciting and fun to plan dates and it brought up surprising aspects of our sexuality. It also brought up some powerful emotions, which we were able to work through, although after some of the couples we were dating dropped us, the experience hit my wife really hard and we stopped not only swinging, but having sex altogether.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the basic philosophical difference between people who think in terms of “either/or” and those who think in terms of “both/and”. The latter is the (albeit in its most simplistic form) basis of Tantric philosophy. In a non-dual world view such as Tantra, either/or doesn’t usually make sense. Either/or supports a belief that one must choose between two things; as if the world were not infinitely abundant with enough room for “both”.
"She was cute and he thought about our 'night off' talk, and he made a date to have coffee with her a couple days later. They had coffee. Oh boy, did they have coffee. After coffee they went back to her pad and 'talked' a little bit—a casual conversation which led to casual kissing which led to casual sex... And that, David told me, head in hands, was it. His one night off. Now he felt bad. Really bad."
What happens between consenting adults behind closed doors is fine with you. You're not uptight! You did some crazy things in college, and you're no square. Still, there are some things you just don't want to see. Like swingers. Read on to see how a series of emails in the Chicago area led a couple, who say they were not engaged in the lifestyle, to sue a busybody neighbor.
What would you do if you found out that the mom you shared carpool duties with was a dominatrix at night? Or what if that cute couple next door wasn't really a couple—but a threesome or a foursome? How would you react? Well, you better get used to it, because all across America, in sleepy suburbs just like yours, moms are hiding secrets. Meet Robyn. She's a 44-year-old mom of three and a polyamorist who's currently involved in loving, intimate relationships with three men. And she's open to more, time permitting.
Tuccillo interviews owners of a sex club for swingers. She learns that the venue is mean to enhance and solidify relationships, since the French would rather feel jealous than indifferent!