Finding love is more than just thinking positive. Ever since the law of attraction extravaganza began, singles finally felt they could control the arrival of their soul mate with positive thinking. Instead of depending on fate, they could just adjust their thoughts, visualize Mr. or Ms. Right, and love would appear. After a few months or years of trying, they would get discouraged thinking that the law of attraction wasn’t working for them. What I learned from using this process is that there is much more to it than just putting your thought out to the universe.
The problem with a list, I realized, is that it’s hard to translate the bullet points into a real, live human being. The fact is, you can’t make a list that doesn’t either oversimplify or take things out of context. For instance, even if you make a list of qualities you want, they aren’t all weighted equally (is height as important as honesty?), and with many qualities you want, it’s not like people have them or they don’t. Often, they have some degree of that quality—like sense of humor or financial stability—which may not be exactly what you had in mind when you wrote it down. Lori Gottlieb tells us why dating Mr. Good Enough might be a better idea than dating Mr. Right.