Really. I'm so very sorry.
Over the years, we come to see our parents in a different light. As we age, we see the tortures we put them through; the terrible behavior and hair pulling frustrations we made them endure. We see teenager and think, “There’s no way I was that obnoxious.” Oh, but we were. We all were. (And sometimes, still are.) And if we’re wise enough we can recognize the error of our ways, swallow our pride and say, "I'm sorry Mom,” for all the things we put them through. As an adult, I appreciate my mom so much more than I ever did growing up and here are five things I’d like to formally apologize for:
I'm sorry for...
1. The entirety of my teen years. I think it’s well established that everyone is kind of an asshole when they’re teens, yeah? I think I was a pretty good kid overall: not a terrible student, an athlete, no drugs or drinking. But there was a lot of yelling and door slamming in our house during my teens years and I’m sorry for that. I don’t have an excuse, except for maybe all the hormones? Let’s go with that. I'm very grateful I had a place I felt comfortable enough to express all that pent up teen angst.
2. All the f*cking swearing. I remember the first time I swore. I think I was six. I don’t remember who or how I heard it (probably from one of the older kids in the neighborhood) but I remember loving it. The thrill of doing something illicit. I even liked the way the words felt in my mouth. We go way back, me and those uncouth words. You hate it, I know. You think they make me sound uneducated, but the heart wants what it wants. And my heart f***ing loves to swear.
3. My tattoo. And the other one. Oh, and the other one. I told you it was only going to be one. And I meant it at the time, I swear I did. But then I got another...and another. And there are probably going to be more. They’ll probably be things you don’t understand, and bigger and in places I can’t easily hide. I’m sorry for that. But take comfort in knowing that I’m a bit of a tattoo snob. I’ll never end a drunken night getting a tramp stamp of a Chinese character I can’t read. My tattoos will always have deep meaning for me and only be done by true artists.
4. All those early mornings. As a mom to a competitive swimmer you had more than your fair share of early mornings. Having to get up at well before 5am to drop me and my teammates off at the pool couldn’t have been easy. Especially in our family with our deep, deep love of sleep. I’d also like to apologize for the things I said when I was tired. Waking me, even now, is no easy feat.
5. For not realizing that you're human, too. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize this. To realize that even though you’re my mom and my parent, you’re human too. That you’re fallible and prone to mistakes just the way everyone else is. I know that now. I know that you did the best you could in parenting me (And hey, you did a pretty great job!). And while it may have taken me a little while to catch on that you weren’t some all knowing, infallible Parent Figure, I’ve always known you loved me unconditionally and without hesitation. Thank you for that.