Teasing and bullying are part of the rough and tumble competition for attention and status among siblings and peers. Sometimes we get used to it by the time we are 30, sometimes not. But for children just entering the social jungle, it can be quite a shock. Some think that physical bullying is worse than teasing. But emotional abuse by cruel teasing can be very damaging and the young child does not know what is happening to him emotionally, where as it is easy to explain that Tommy hit me.
In the previous article; Living with an alcoholic - Shame, we talked about the shame and the secrecy that comes from living with an alcoholic and how it leads to isolation. In this article we will look at ways to start tackling and reducing the shame.
If you live with an alcoholic you will almost certainly feel shame. Some people will experience it to a very high level, others less so, but almost everyone who lives with an alcoholic experiences it to some degree. You will probably feel anxious that people will discover your secret, that they will judge you and, inevitably, will find you unacceptable to be around decent people.
According to one friend of Adam Lanza, he was excruciatingly shy as a teenager. If you have ever felt shy, embarrassed or humiliated in public, or the victim of cruel teasing or ostracism in your peer group, you know the feeling. Multiply that memory of the pain of shame by a power of 10 or 20 and make it last for years and we might be able to understand a craving for revenge that could overwhelm reason.
When news of a tragedy like the one in Newtown, CT this week hits us, most of us experience sadness, followed sooner or later by anger. This is a normal part of Grief, a complicated emotional process that is associated with a loss. Though most of us have not lost a loved one, we have all experienced a loss in one sense. We have all lost a little of the sense of safety and security we need to carry around with us in order to be able to function and focus on our daily business.
All children experience bullying. If they are not the target of a bully, or engaging in bullying behavior themselves, they will witness bullying and be affected by it. As a witness, the child will either identify with the target and feel shame, fear, and vulnerability, or with the bully and be tempted to seek the status associated with the dominant bully.
We can learn so much from our pets, in their innocence and purity of heart. They enjoy every moment, they are always excited about the future, and, most of all, they are completely shameless. They live in the present moment, carry no guilt or negative emotions over their actions of the past and, no matter what, they love well. My beautiful puppy Ethan thinks nothing of rolling over and exposing his soft underbelly to be rubbed, whether to me or a complete stranger. He is not ashamed to show who he is, or ask for what he wants.
When we look at the divorce rate, the number of relationships that fall apart before people get married and people who stay together even though they are miserable, we might conclude that people go out of their way to wreck their relationships.
TO “D” OR NOT TO “D” It takes balls to make the decision to divorce. Big ones. Balls of steel. And it’s an especially brave thing to do when you were born with lady parts that don’t include the aforementioned equipment because, believe me, at a time like this, you could really use them. If you’re a people pleaser like me, ending your marriage will probably go against the grain of everything you were raised to believe in, like pleasing others, for instance.
I'm Jodie Rodenbaugh and this is my story. It's a story that only I direct. This is my story of feeling stripped of everything I once knew. My experience left me naked and vulnerable, but through that pain, I found strength from a power much greater than myself.
This morning I discovered a new post and blog by Lady Gaga which showed un-retouched photographs of her in minimal clothing, looking thin. The post was in response to reports that Gaga had gained weight.
This past month, I have been enrolled in a 7 week therapist’s course given by Melissa Orlov on the ADHD effects on marriage. Melissa, who is an expert on this subject, and who has written the book (by the same name) The ADHD Effects on Marriage, offers its’ readers one of the most comprehensive and clearly written books that I have read on this subject.
When I was growing up I was frequently shamed, criticized and judged by both of my parents, as well as by my grandmother who lived with us, and by many of my teachers. I grew up believing that there was something basically and essentially wrong with me. I didn't know what it was, but I believed if I could just figure out how to do things right, then the shaming and judgments would go away and I would be loved. But no matter how good I was, or how perfect my grades were, the shaming judgments didn't go away.
Out of respect to the families who were affected by the Aurora, Colorado shooting, I challenge each of us to dig deep into our souls and share our compassion with these families. Across the globe, we are all deeply affected by this senseless loss of life and its tragic aftermath. How can we make sense of something that doesn't make sense? How can we move forward knowing even a movie theater is not a safe place? The Dark Knight Rises is a great example of the mythic hero's journey. The hero's journey is one way to develop your inner strength. You can't attain inner strength by depending on others; you can see others as mentors, but the task or call is yours to figure out. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" is the motto for good mentors.