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Shame Excavation: Unearthing Toxic Shame
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Shame Excavation: Unearthing Toxic Shame

"Like moss, shames grows in the dark. Vanquish it by bringing it into the light." Shame is inexorably tied to the question that many of us will eventually ask ourselves: "Are we a human doing or a human being?" In other words, is our value and appreciation for and about ourselves determined by what we do (and how it impacts others) or by just who we are? Self-worth determined by what we do is neither life-affirming, nor is it personally and emotionally sustaining. We can never do "good" enough to free us from the shackles of low self-esteem, self-doubt and insecurity.

Shame Excavation: Unearthing Toxic Shame
Community

Shame Excavation: Unearthing Toxic Shame

"Like moss, shames grows in the dark. Vanquish it by bringing it into the light." Shame is inexorably tied to the question that many of us will eventually ask ourselves: "Are we a human doing or a human being?" In other words, is our value and appreciation for and about ourselves determined by what we do (and how it impacts others) or by just who we are? Self-worth determined by what we do is neither life-affirming, nor is it personally and emotionally sustaining. We can never do "good" enough to free us from the shackles of low self-esteem, self-doubt and insecurity.

Coping with Bullying in the Workplace [EXPERT]
Community

Coping with Bullying in the Workplace [EXPERT]

Over a third of workers have experienced bullying or harassment at their jobs, according to studies by Gary and Ruth Namie of the Workplace Bullying Institute. If you include another 12 percent of workers who have witnessed bullying, almost half of workers are affected by emotional abuse at work. In their book, The Bully at Work, the Namies describe a hard headed strategy that is necessary to protect yourself from a workplace bully and overcome the damaging and costly influence of emotional tyrants in our places of employment. To paraphrase their 3 step strategy:

The Shame Game: How Self-Image Affects Your Relationships
Don't let your negative feelings shape the beliefs you have about yourself.
Experts Blog

The Shame Game: How Self-Image Affects Your Relationships

Personal development coach Brock Hansen writes about the causes behind shameful feelings that lead to eating disorders and how to understand the root of the issue. When you know the root you can start working on a positive solution to your pain.

Learning Early How To Overcome Failure.
Experts Blog

Learning Early How To Overcome Failure.

Sara Blakely, the overnight billionaire creator of Spanx, learned at an early age how not to be intimidated by failure.  Her father was a natural mentor in one of the key emotional intelligence skills necessary for young entrepreneurs.  As she told the story to Fareed Zakaria, her father encouraged both her and her brother to report daily any failures they had experienced.  And he rewarded them with praise for being willing and able to recognize and talk about the problems they had faced. 

An Open Letter To Anthony Weiner's Sexting Partners
At least his mayoral campaign is a long shot.
Experts Blog

An Open Letter To Anthony Weiner's Sexting Partners

Even though the media storm from Anthony Weiner's sexting scandal has passed, what happens to the women involved? A recent article in The New York Times reminds us of the humiliation and "sl*t-shaming" that women from political scandals endure long after the headlines have stopped running. Personally, I believe he suffers from a sexual addiction. Our society underestimates the danger and the cost of this kind of addiction — and often blames the victim as a way to avoid taking responsibility for the pain it causes, just like the addict does.

When Fear Directs My Dreams.
Experts Blog

When Fear Directs My Dreams.

I had a familiar dream recently.  It was near the end of the semester in my dream and I had not attended many of my calculus classes.  I knew I would fail and I was desperately searching for a way out of this mess.  As I woke from my dream, I realized that I had nothing to fear from calculus.  I had graduated in spite of it and would never have to pass calculus again.  But it got me to thinking, "What triggered that dream?"  My friend confessed to having similar dreams, along with the ever popular

Three Essentials To Back Off Manipulators
Experts Blog

Three Essentials To Back Off Manipulators

Our everyday life is full of manipulation whether we are aware of it or not. Some salesman on the doorway, some doctors, some teachers, some officials, or some co-workers might use unfair communication tactics to get what they want. The difficulty is more serious if the manipulator lives with the family, not to mention if the manipulator is our otherwise beloved partner. S/he can be wonderful in various areas in our life but they still might use debilitating pressure on us towards others.

The Voice of Trichotillomania
Experts Blog

The Voice of Trichotillomania

I wanted to love myself. I wanted something to change. After years of therapy, coaching and other healing work, the world began to look up. I was full of possibility. The secret that I kept close to me, hidden in the shadows for 31 years was now ready to be shared and I was ready to share it.   I chose to bring my secret to the light. I wanted to celebrate It, and who I had become. I wanted to use It to help others – people like me, people who felt ashamed; men who felt embarrassed, and women who felt ugly.

SHAME Can Be The Portal To Intimacy In Your Relationship
Experts Blog

SHAME Can Be The Portal To Intimacy In Your Relationship

As women, SHAME comes in our starter kit. The perception that we, as authentically born, are not ‘good enough’. Our worthiness is like a sieve; we hold those moments of pride fleetingly. We smile and nod with seeming to agree acknowledgements. We feel disconnected to the applause, accolades, and requests for attention. Our moment in the sun fades like twilight, leaving us bewildered and returning to our former position…conflicted and fearful, listening for the other shoe to drop. That wave of self-consciousness that sweeps over us when the SHAME trigger gets pulled. Is this your marriage? Do you have moments of ‘thinking’ you are close with your partner, only to have them fade away and you return to that gnawing, subtle, fleeting feeling of dis-connection and insecurity?