“If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.” ― John von Neumann Mr. Glover, my high school algebra teacher, who failed me, would be so proud. Despite my life-long adversarial relationship with math, I surprisingly rely on it to describe both healthy and problematic relationships in my book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.” The theory I created uses simple math to illustrate the magnet-like properties of dysfunctional romantic relationships.
Everyone should strive to treat others with kindness...up to a point. Perhaps you grew up with the notion instilled in you that treating others well begets the same; however, that doesn't always work, and this personal development coach explains why.
Why does the grass always seem greener on the other side of the fence? This matchmaker shares humorous marriage advice for those desperately seeking a husband: nuptial bliss, while totally wonderful, isn't any better than the single life. Here's why.
One expert explains her ups and downs with love, and how she learned to respect herself. Learn how to respect yourself, and examine the types of behavior you tolerate in relationships.
Last year I opened the virtual doors to my own business. It was a dream come true brought about by hard work and lots of advice from some really brilliant people. One piece of advice I received from a number of sources was to get active on social media but to make sure that my activity wasn’t political. This advice might be good for some people and some companies but I don’t think it’s good advice for me.
Too often, I see female friends devastated by their dating experiences. Despite their best efforts, men never treat them the way they deserve to be treated. And, as their friend, it is heartbreaking to watch them make the same mistakes over and over again.
All too often, I see friends continually devastated by their dating experiences. It is heartbreaking to see them make the same mistakes over and over again. I see women who continually find men who, for whatever reason, never step up to treat them the way they deserve to be treated. I realized that it had very little to do with the men, but more to do with how the women approached dating. They were too emotionally entrenched in the experience and could not see how they were creating some of the dynamics.
Imagine a scene where you ask your teen to pick up his clothes and he smiles and does it immediately. Does that sound too far-fetched. Maybe not, read on…. Every teen misbehaves at some point or another. From talking back and slamming doors to ditching class and using profanity. It’s normal for teens to want to feel independent, but it’s not acceptable for them to act out in a negative manner. Don’t go to the extreme, however — sending them off to boarding school isn’t the answer.
A man who is a user is truly not interested in you–only what you can offer. All his initial questions relate to your job, career and income status. Do you have a car? What kind of car is it? What year, make and model? Do you have kids? Who lives with you? These are all probing questions a man with a user mentality will ask, in order to see where he can fit in and take advantage of you.
Ever wonder why you continue to attract the wrong guy? Even though the last one seemed perfect at first, did you keep thinking to yourself, "When will 'Mr. Perfect' become 'Mr. Same Crap?'" For how long did you really think he was "Mr. Perfect?"
You see, I am not a believer that people do the best they can but rather I believe that people just do what they do. (And, in many cases, whatever they can get away with.) So, unless you are a bona fide junkie, addicted to the rush of break-up and make-up, wake up and smell the four truths about cheating.
It was a typical glamorous day in the life of Lara Fernandez. Standing in a long line at the local grocery store, short on time and patience, mindlessly watching the customers ahead of me buying their groceries. As I slowly and painfully inched closer to the checkout counter, I noticed, one customer ahead of me, an interaction between the checkout lady and two Latino men who looked like day laborers. They obviously didn’t speak any English as they tried to swipe their debit card and punch the correct buttons in the credit card machine to pay for their food.
In my coaching practice, I see various types of women of all ages, backgrounds and professions. Most of them are getting over the man who blew into their lives as a fantasy, great lover or trustworthy confidant, whom they eventually fell in love with only to end up heartbroken. What I found fascinating is that although many of these women suffered with intolerable heart break that they no longer wanted to feel, they also refused to take my advice or let me help them because they did not want to let go of the euphoria invoked by the memories of a man who broke their heart. When my clients explain to me their stories from beginning to end, I immediately see the red signs from the start. It also becomes clear to me that these men were able to manipulate and seduce these women because of their emotional vulnerabilities at the time.
Relationships have given me great opportunities to get to know more of myself. We cannot discount the relationships that have been a struggle because this is where we can learn about our unhealthy patterns. People can trigger negative feelings of unworthiness and lies that tell us we are not good enough. When we start to walk on egg shells, feel unsafe or uncomfortable our inauthenticity becomes a barrier to love. The freedom of joy, passion,intimacy, trust, and safe love keep relationships alive!
Unhappy with your relationships? Here's the likely culprit, and how to fix it... you need to strengthen your personal boundaries. Strong personal boundaries give you the freedom to say yes to what you want and no to what you don’t want, despite the risk of displeasing others. What a concept, huh? (The irony is the more you try to please others, the less you succeed. Nobody likes a people pleaser.) You’ll automatically upgrade your relationships and improve your life overall.