A practical guide to rejuvenating your romantic life, from eHarmony.
Your romantic life is like a house — it needs careful maintenance if you want it to last and serve you well. Sometimes all that's required is a little soap and polish to put a shine back in your search for lasting love. Yet it's also possible that after years of neglect, or a poor design to begin with, a full-blown renovation will be necessary. If you suspect you fall into the latter category, fear not! Here is a four-step guide for getting the job done.
Lesson one of a recovering perfectionist is recognition that pain pf trying isn't worth it
I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.
— Anne Lamott
I came across a NY Times article recently on self-compassion, and how people who are more compassionate with themselves have less depression, anxiety, and tend to be more resilient, optimistic, and happier. So it got me thinking about how we encourage self-esteem in children, yet we don’t spend as much time and energy on cultivating self-compassion.
What does it mean to be self-compassionate and how can we teach children how to become more compassionate?
This column is about my real life experiences. Perhaps, it is about luck.
“How did I get so lucky?”
That is the mantra that continues to go through my mind over and over and over again… all day and all night.
You see, what I teach… whether it be how to speak to people, how to conduct a therapy session, how to make sales, how to lose weight, etc… is not a set of tools or steps. What I teach is a synthesis of my real life experiences, what I have learned by screwing up over the years, proven skills, solid theories, and techniques that work without explanation.
One woman decides that being "good enough" sets a better example for her family.
Self-improvement and I are old pals. At age 11, I decided to fix my thighs (aerobics); at 19, to fix my soul (daily mass). In my 30s, I vowed to fix my mothering (support group, too many books). I've spent considerable hours of my life delving into self-actualization, mindful growth, claiming my authenticity, expanding my horizons, seeking enlightenment, making positive affirmations, eating and being in some zone, and twelve-stepping to some new place that was always just another plateau. I took classes, joined support groups, journaled for peak performance. Then I realized that if I didn't stop the manic frenzy of trying to better myself, at age 95 I'd likely still never know the secret.
Lately, I began to ask myself why was I behaving as if only the new, improved person I would someday be, mattered more than the me I was, the me I am, now? What was I showing my kids about judging oneself too harshly, about dissatisfaction as a default mindset? And did I really want my husband to think I wasn't pretty terrific as is?
I decided to knock it off.
In 2010, consider some changes to vocab, self-improvement and The League.
Okay, we've got 2009 out of our system. How was it? Well, some things were great, some were terrible and some decidedly medium. So everyone take five seconds and shake out the last vestiges of that fun 365. Awesome. Now here are a few trends in vocab, dancing and personal development that should shape your 2010.
Self-improvement is wildly over-rated. Forget real New Year's Resolutions.
The New Year's Resolution is sort of ridiculous. What, in your experience, makes you think you're going to change overnight to some new guy (or gal) capable of what you've laid out for yourself. The best plan is to take it slow, grab some low-hanging fruit and, when in doubt, cheat.
